


agnosthesia

by thankskarlmarx



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Complicated Relationships, Draco Malfoy In Love, F/M, Friendship/Love, Gryffindor & Slytherin Inter-House Friendships, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Post-War, Sad George Weasley
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:29:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 35,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28443942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thankskarlmarx/pseuds/thankskarlmarx
Summary: agnosthesian. the state of not knowing how you really feel about something, which forces you to sift through clues hidden in your behavior, as if you were some other person—noticing a twist of acid in your voice, an obscene amount of effort put into something trifling, or an inexplicable weight on your shoulders that makes it difficult to get out of bed. (the dictionary of obscure sorrows)A time jumping story about a pure blood witch named Elizabeth and her complicated relationships at Hogwarts. Most of the story is post-war with flashbacks.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Original Female Character(s), Fred Weasley/Original Female Character(s), Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley
Kudos: 14





	1. tell me where did you go?

“Fuck,” The sound came from the bathroom right off of the Slytherin common room. Draco Malfoy was sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace _trying_ to write an essay for Transfiguration but the cursing and the crying from the bathroom wasn’t helping his concentration. They had only been back at Hogwarts for a month and he was already tired of this place. Part of his “punishment” for serving as a Death Eater was to finish out his education and help rebuild and repair the castle one day every weekend. It hadn’t all been awful, since the other Slytherin’s who were tasked with the same consequence were people he normally would hang around. 

However, it didn’t leave him much time for school work or studying. Draco was cursing himself at going forward with Transfiguration, he knew he was much better suited to potions or dark arts. But no one in their right mind would let him near the dark arts any time soon. 

This sobbing from the bathroom wasn’t helping his poor impulse control right now, nor was it helping his Transfiguration grade. Draco shoved his parchment aside and made his way to the door. “Listen, I’m not trying to be insensitive here, but can you… I don’t know… cry more quietly or something?” Silence came from beyond the door and Draco mouthed the words _thank Merlin_ before resuming his essay.

Draco didn’t know how long went by, but he heard the turn off the doorknob and out came Elizabeth Roland. His Liz. Childhood best friend, the girl he thought he would love forever. Her face was red like a radish from crying and all it did was emphasize the green in her hazel eyes. 

Draco remembered the last time he properly looked at her. It had been when he had ultimately cut ties with her for good; he knew she would never look at him the same way because she had stopped trying to save him. But really he vividly remembered her sobbing on her knees in the great hall. And feeling like he was guilty for it.

Elizabeth came from an old pure blood family, but they were more lenient on their alliances. As long as the blood was pure, they married to whomever was convenient. Draco couldn’t recall the last time a Roland and Malfoy marriage was arranged. The Roland's constantly played the Switzerland of the wizard world; they never showed allegiance to one side or the other unless their necks were on the line. Elizabeth’s older brother, Jude, had been marked right after Draco but was killed at the Battle of Hogwarts; by the person who had been hiding her for the last six months, nonetheless.

Fred Weasley. 

Draco only assumed that she had been crying about Fred’s death in the bathroom so he just turned his head away from Elizabeth and focused back on his essay. “Sorry, I didn’t know it was you in there.” He grumbled, hoping she would just go back to the dorms and leave him to his work. The few times they had spoken had been more emotion than he was used to. Elizabeth had always been the one person to tug at his heartstrings like no one else. 

Instead, he felt the couch cushion plunge as Elizabeth sat down next to him. She leaned down and picked up a piece of parchment that fell on the floor and handed it to him. He thanked her but didn’t stop what he was doing. She just sat on the other side of the couch, occasionally sniffing and staring at the fire. Draco didn’t mind, there was a comfortable silence and familiarity between them. But he’d be damned if she thought he was going to strike up a conversation. If only because she always knew how to get him to say what she wanted in the end.

“You know, I saw you in the back.” Elizabeth finally spoke, not taking her eyes off of the fireplace. “At Fred’s funeral.” 

Silence again and Draco finally put his quill down to look at her. “I’m really sorry for Fred’s death, Lizzy. I’m sorry for all of them. I never wanted any of that.” 

She just gave a small laugh. “I can’t remember the last time someone called me Lizzy.” It was the nickname Draco had called her in their youth, but once Elizabeth had started hanging around with the Weasley’s, he had promptly cut her off from his life. She became a target instead of someone he’d always share his chocolate frogs and pumpkin juice with. No more note passing in class with funny drawings of the professors or Thursday night astronomy tower hangouts trying to outrun Filch. From there, their lives went on. “I know. I knew you didn’t have it in you from day one. It did mean something to me that you were there. So, thanks, I guess.”

Draco just stayed quiet. And the two of them sat in silence for a few more minutes. “Are you alright, though? I know I’m probably the last person you want to speak to about any of this but… you know, if you need something, I can try and help.”

Elizabeth smiled. “It’s not about Fred. Well, it is sort of about Fred, but not directly.” She sighed and ran her hands over her face. “I’m pregnant. And I’m so fucked, like I am royally fucked. Dad won’t let this one go, he’ll send me across the world to stop the family from being involved in a scandal. First Jude, now his daughter with an illegitimate child.”

Draco raised his eyebrows and leaned back on the couch. He definitely wasn’t expecting those words to come out of her mouth. “Fuck, I’m sorry Lizzy.” Draco knew her father would be pissed. As much as they turned their heads for morals, they were still old school pure bloods. He knew her family would most likely disown her. “No chance of the father and you working things out?” He only assumed it wasn’t Fred’s baby. If that was a possibility she would be near the end and it would be pretty hard to hide.

Elizabeth just shook her head, wiping her eyes again. “Ah, I don’t know. I’ve got some family heirlooms I can sell. Maybe I’ll go up north or something and start a new life where no one knows me.” Smirking, she got up from the couch and turned to Draco. “Thanks for listening to me.” Draco gave her a small smile and was slightly envious of the idea of leaving everything behind and starting over. If there was one thing he had always admired about Elizabeth, it was her sense of adventure. He was always too stubborn and controlling to be spontaneous like her. “Goodnight, Malfoy.”

“Night, Lizzy.”


	2. i've been searching high and low

Draco hadn’t seen Lizzy in a few weeks. He’d tried to be more friendly with her. Her only close friend at Hogwarts right now was Ginny, and he noticed that where the two of them were usually inseparable, Elizabeth was keeping her distance. Draco had a few theories as to why that was, but he was sure Elizabeth’s pregnancy was number one. How would the sister of her dead boyfriend feel if she found out Elizabeth was pregnant with another man’s child just months after his death? Draco had no siblings but he was sure that Ginny’s reaction would be disastrous.

He had been thinking about Elizabeth’s situation, mostly because it stopped him from thinking about actually throwing himself off of the astronomy tower, and it distracted him from the mundane tasks of school work and lectures about the future. It reminded him of a much simpler time in his life. Of their first and second year together in Hogwarts. It also reminded him of how he also had to push her away; no matter how many names he called her or times he publicly embarrassed her, Elizabeth had always tried to see the good in him. 

One night after studying late in the library, he ran into Lizzy in the corridor. She had nothing school related on her, but she was wearing her heavy wool coat and he called out to her, Filch be damned. “Roland, where are you headed at nearly midnight?” 

“Astronomy tower, Malfoy. You coming?”

Draco looked down at his parchment and books and sighed. He really didn’t want to study any longer, and he tucked them into his messenger bag and jogged to catch up with her. “You’re not thinking about jumping off of it, are you?” Draco smirked, giving her a slight push with his elbow. Only because he could clearly remember sitting in the Slytherin train car and saying he would pitch himself off of it if he had to return. Lizzy laughed and said “God, I’d pay to see that!” From her seat across the car and here he was, finishing out his Hogwarts education.

Lizzy just shook her head as they climbed the stairs. Once at the top she peeked her head over the rails to look up. “I love autumn. Something about the air and the colours of the leaves turning.”

Draco dropped his bag and stood to the side with his hands in his pants pockets. “You used to make me put all the leaves in a pile behind the manor before the house elves cleaned them up. Just so you could jump in them.” 

“You made fun of me that one time I hopped in and twisted my ankle on a gigantic oak branch.”

“But I also healed your leg afterwards and had to have my father go explain to the Ministry why I used underage magic.” Draco countered, his eyebrow raised at her as Lizzy gave him a small glare. There were a lot of memories between the two of them. The two Slytherin’s had spent a lot of time together growing up. But somehow only Lizzy had dropped out of their tiny elite group and gone to stand up for what she believed in. He admired that, and he envied it too. Draco wondered what would’ve happened if he only had a fraction of the backbone she did. “I’ve been thinking about your _situation_ a lot, Lizzy.”

“Yeah?” Lizzy finally brought her body back into the tower and this time leaned on the railing to face Draco with her arms crossed. “What’re your thoughts? Blackmail?” Their relationship in the last few years had been more than troublesome. And a hell of a lot more than complicated.

Draco would give her credit, her attitude and wit were always one of the reasons he had been drawn to her. For as cocky and confident he had always been, Lizzy had conviction. If she said she would hex someone into tomorrow, it was going to happen within seconds. Very few things came out of her mouth that she didn’t mean. Still, Draco continued to smile. “Not quite,” He stepped forward, throwing his own head out of the tower to take a glance at the stars. “I actually thought your situation could benefit both of us.”

“Both of us? How’s that?” Complete confusion was spread across Lizzy’s face as she eyed Draco. Despite the years of being friends, she wasn’t sure she could trust him as far as she could throw him. Not since the day she had confronted him in their sixth year. But if that was really true, why was she so quick to tell him her secret?

“You need a pure blood man to be the father of your child, no? And I don’t want to finish the year and have my parents marry me off to Parkinson or Greengrass. I think we could come to an arrangement. So long as, you know, Zambini’s not the father... then that idea goes straight off the astronomy tower…”

Draco was surprised her answer wasn’t an immediate “you’re insane” but she was looking at him; or more like inspecting him. “How do I explain that I spent the last two years with Fred Weasley and then go off and get knocked up by Draco Malfoy, former Death Eater?”

“We were best friends until we were fourteen, is it really that absurd we would reconnect? Especially after everything that happened?” Draco had a point. Lizzy had been distant from the Weasley’s since the end of the war. Ginny had Harry now all to herself, and Ron was probably more awkward around her than anyone else. “My family, regardless of past alliances, is established, wealthy. We can split up a few years down the line. No one will question you, and your child will be forever cared for.” 

“What happens when you remarry and have the _rightful_ heir to the Malfoy name?” Lizzy asked, for as well as Draco could sweet talk, he had to know she was already four steps ahead of him in this hypothetical situation. 

“Easy. I’m not having any children. That’s the last thing I’d want, is to bring a child into the world given its current state. No offense.” Draco shrugged towards her, but there wasn’t exactly a sympathetic look on his smug face. His face did soften a bit as he continued, “I also … I owe this to you. You tried to save me once, let me save you instead.”

Lizzy thought about this for a minute. It was true that at one point she had pleaded with him to leave with her. He had to know that she wasn’t the same person she was then. The idea of having to be around Draco constantly was slightly aggravating, but not impossible. And it would definitely save her from an exile from the UK to some far away land to stop from a scandal erupting in the Roland family. Still, there was a small part of her that said _don’t do it_ because all Malfoy had ever done was get involved in questionable situations. Lizzy hadn’t even taken the time to think that maybe this time _she_ was the questionable situation he was dragging himself into. “I can back out at any time?”

“I might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I’m not a psychopath, Liz. Yes. Also, I refuse to live with my parents so we might be roughing it for a while until finances get figured out.”

“Don’t worry about that, I got half of my brother’s inheritance when he passed. We should be alright. I also refuse to live with your parents too, so at least we agree on that.” For as much as she loved Narcissa, Lucius was a nightmare she wouldn’t be fond of dealing with on a long term basis. Draco gave her a nod that said ‘fair enough’, though he would pay for anything she needed once his own inheritance was settled.

“I do have one more stipulation, Lizzy. Before this goes any further,” Draco took a deep breath, pushing himself off the wall with his foot. “I want to know who the father is so I know what I’m possibly up against.” 

Lizzy swallowed hard, the fear in her eyes told him she was ashamed, or maybe even actually afraid. He couldn’t tell. Sighing, she ran her hands over her face. She knew that if this situation would work out to favour either of them he would need to know this piece of information. Especially if he meant what he said about not having children of his own.

“George Weasley is the baby’s father.”


	3. can i be close to you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Flashback to Elizabeth's 4th year *

Elizabeth became friends with Ginny Weasley in her third year and Ginny’s second year, respectively. Their personalities matched and she found Ginny much more easy going than the Slytherin girls. They quickly became best friends and Elizabeth quickly became an outcast in her own house due to her Gryffindor friendships. She was constantly bullied, but she didn’t mind mostly because she valued what her friends stood up for. 

She knew of all the Weasley siblings, it was hard to not know them when they all had such different, engaging personalities. Naturally, she was closest to Ron and Ginny as they were the closest in age to her. The twins were always around but usually just for a quick remark or two before moving along in their own business. It wasn’t until her fourth year, and Fred’s sixth year, that things took a different turn.

Elizabeth had come to the Gryffindor common room to hangout with Ginny before going to Hogsmeade. However, she stood outside for nearly twenty minutes and it was pretty obvious Ginny had forgotten or already left without her. It was Fred that came to her rescue, whispering the password (which he didn’t actually whisper) and letting her inside. 

Everyone was buzzed about the Triwizard Tournament going on and tensions were high. The warm and cozy common room was empty and as Elizabeth went to exit with a sigh, Fred asked her to stay. Cocking an eyebrow, she looked confused, but leaned on the couch, figuring maybe Fred knew Ginny’s whereabouts.

Instead, Fred crossed the room to her, standing maybe about six inches from her with his arms crossed. “Now, why does everyone call you Elizabeth?” He asked, raising his eyebrows. “Such a long name to say. Why don’t we come up with a nickname for you? Liz? Maybe?”

Elizabeth winced and shook her head. She was still curious as to why Fred had brought this up. “No, please don’t call me Liz. Or Lizzy. It’s what… my childhood friends call, or well, _called_ me. All the Slytherin pricks.” 

A grin spread across Fred’s face and he moved closer to Elizabeth. She held in a breath as he did it. She had never noticed the light in his eyes, full of pure mischief and fun. And goodness, too. She knew the Weasley’s were remarkable people but Ron was a whiner and Ginny was always trying to prove something. Fred… he was fun. George too, but Fred always had a softer approach. 

“Well, then. Can’t have you thinking I’m some sort of Slytherin prick, can we? Hm…” Fred looked her over for a minute and nodded his head. “Ellie it is, then. Wait!” Fred held up a hand as if to stop Elizabeth from saying anything. “Elle sounds better. More mature.” His eyes wandered her body for a second. “Because you’ve definitely grown up. Elle it is, but maybe Ellie can just be my special name for you.” Fred winked and reached out, tucking a strand of hair behind Elizabeth’s ear. 

The red that rose to her cheeks was unexpected. Normally Elizabeth was calm and composed, to get a reaction out of her meant she was truly caught off guard. Fred just smirked, and for a moment, Elizabeth thought he might lean in and kiss her, but he backed away and waved, heading up the stairs to the boys dorms. Elizabeth stood there, unable to move because she was processing what had just happened when she heard the door to the common room open and Harry and Ron waltzed in. 

Both looked at Elizabeth in a funny way and Ron asked if she was alright. “Uh, yeah. Sorry, I was just thinking about something weird that happened. Have you guys seen Ginny? We were supposed to go to Hogsmeade.”

Ron frowned and nodded his head towards the door. “She got detention for calling Seamus a bumbling horse turd in charms class.”

Both Harry and Elizabeth laughed. “I’m… proud of her?” She laughed again. “Ah but I guess I’ll head back to the dungeons then…”

“You want to stay and hangout? We’re not doing anything and you came all the way here.” Harry offered. 

“Yeah, _Ellie_ ,” Fred came down the stairs from the dorms with a huge grin on his face. “Stay and hangout with us Gryffindors for a while!”

“Ellie?!” Ron looked at his brother with a weird look. But when it registered, his face turned and he nodded matter of factly. “Actually that makes sense to shorten your name. Elizabeth is a lot to say. How did your mum yell at you?”

“Actually, Elle is even shorter.” Fred pointed out, giving Elizabeth a secret wink.

Harry looked over at Elizabeth and nodded. “I think you look a lot more like Elle than Ellie. Ellie sounds like a giggling little girl with a crush.” Her cheeks almost went red, but she coughed and covered her mouth with her hand. Still, they moved over to the couches and sat down. 

Eventually everyone else trickled in and spent the evening in the common room. By the time Elizabeth looked at her watch she nearly jumped up off the couch. “Fuck, it’s almost curfew. I’m going to have to literally run back to the dungeons. Night guys!” Everyone said their goodbyes and as she exited the common room she heard footsteps behind her.

It was Fred. 

“I thought you might like some company.”

“Are you nuts? What if Filch catches you?”

“Oh don’t worry about him, I know where all the secret tunnels are.” Fred gave a proud smile, catching up to walk beside her. “Plus I want to spend as much time with you as I can.” 

Red cheeks, again. What the hell was happening? “Ohh..” Elizabeth managed to get out. “I’m really not that interesting.”

“False. You’re incredibly interesting. You’re stubborn, but fair. You’re funny, but humble. You’re intimidating, but soft. You’re a mystery, Roland. Fascinating. And I particularly adore the way your cheeks flush when I compliment you.”

“Oh shut up, Fred!” Elizabeth covered her face with her hands as she laughed. “Thanks for my nickname, though. I like them. Both of them.”

Fred reached over and grabbed one of Elizabeth's hands from her face, intertwining his fingers with hers. “Let me take you to Hogsmeade next weekend.”

“Ginny is going to murder me if I let you. And Ron!”

“Oh, forget them. They’ll get over it. I can handle them and their whining. Been doing it long enough.” 

They approached the dungeons and Elizabeth sighed. “Okay, fine.”

Fred beamed again and leaned forward, gently pressing a kiss to her lips. She was caught off guard and giggled. Fred’s grin got even wider. “There’s my little giggling Ellie. Goodnight, dear.” He let her hand go and turned around back up the stairs. 

When she got into the common room, her cheeks were still red and she was still smiling. Of course, one person was on the couch and it was Draco. He turned to look at her and scoffed. “What the fuck are you so happy about?”

Elizabeth thought about ignoring him, but she walked right past him towards the girls dorm and just smiled. “None of your fucking business, Malfoy.” She heard him whisper _bitch_ under his breath, but she didn’t care. Nothing could ruin how happy she felt right now, not even Draco Malfoy.


	4. i have only 'til the night is over

It took a lot to make Draco Malfoy react to someone, but with this revelation his jaw was properly on the floor. “ _George?_ Merlin, Liz. That’s… A lot of family drama, fuck.” He wanted to ask her what the fuck she was thinking sleeping with her dead boyfriend’s twin brother, but he could see that Lizzy was already shaming herself for that one. “Don’t worry, we will figure all of it out. You’re not alone in this.”

His words were the first reassuring ones she had heard since finding out about the baby. “He can never find out, Draco. Promise me.” Lizzy looked at him in a way that she hadn’t in years. A look that said she was putting herself completely out there and he needed to protect her. 

Draco just nodded, motioning for her to follow him. “I will never tell another soul. I swear, Lizzy.” He grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze, something they always did when they were younger. They walked back to the Slytherin common room hand in hand. Not because of romance, but because Draco knew that Lizzy needed that support right now. And if anyone questioned them, Draco would hex them all to hell.

They spent more time together, especially in the classes they had together. The small group of friends they had grown up with seemingly accepted Lizzy again because she was in Draco’s good graces. It wasn’t that Lizzy needed their approval, but she couldn’t lie and say it wasn’t nice to be accepted. Her friendship with Ginny was fizzing out, but not for a lack of trying. She knew every weekend Ginny went to Hogsmeade to meet up with Harry and her family. And that was exactly the reason that Lizzy didn’t want to go; she wanted to be as far away from George as possible. 

Draco was catching on that perhaps the night that George and Lizzy had wasn’t all rainbows and gumdrops. One night while they were studying for the two classes they had together, Lizzy had fallen asleep. He didn’t move her, he could see how exhausted she was during the day; no doubt her pregnancy took a lot out of her. So Draco just sat there, situating Lizzy so her head was in his lap and he propped his textbook on the arm of the sofa and continued to read. They got glances from other Slytherin’s but Draco just met their glances with a glare and they moved on.

The next time Draco checked the time it was nearly midnight and he knew they should get to bed. “Lizzy,” He said softly, rubbing her arm softly. “Lizzy we’re on the sofa and it’s late. I think it’s time to go to bed.”

She began stirring and before Draco could get another word out, she shot up and grabbed her wand, pointing it straight at Draco’s face. “Don’t touch me!” She yelled it and Draco stopped cold, hands up in the air. Lizzy stopped for a second, realizing where she was and put the wand down, physically shaking. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Draco. I didn’t know where I was…”

“It’s alright,” Draco stood slowly, ignoring their books and parchment all on the floor. He could see her begin to cry and he moved towards her. Seeing her scared made his heart hurt. Just like it always did when they were younger. “C’mere, Liz. It’s alright, I’ve got you.” She moved towards him and curled up against his chest, sobbing. “Here, you can lay back down. I’ll stay with you until you feel up to going back to your dorm, okay?” Draco took a seat again and brought her down to the same way she was laying before. He lightly stroked her hand that she wouldn’t let go of. “You’re safe here, Lizzy. I promise.”

“Thank you,” Lizzy just said it softly, staring up at the ceiling. Draco wondered what happened, but he wasn’t going to give her any sort of lecture right now. 

Before they knew it, it was morning and they were both startled by the sound of other students waking up and coming into the common room. A bunch of younger students just walked past them like they didn’t care, but a few of them around their age made comments. Draco just rubbed Lizzy’s arm again to wake her up, and this time she opened her eyes and groaned. “I know,” He offered, shifting his body since his leg was asleep. “We’re going to need a lot of coffee to get through today.”

Grumbling, Lizzy got up and pushed her hair out of her face. “Yeah, except I’m going to have to drink decaf.”


	5. and how could i ever refuse?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * flashback to Elizabeth's fourth year *

The Great Hall was bustling with students and professors for a Saturday morning. The Triwizard Tournament’s second event was coming up and no one could contain their excitement. Elizabeth ate breakfast with her Slytherin peers, though they mostly just ignored her and went about their business. Even her own brother had taken to just ignoring her most of the time. It didn't surprise her, the relationship she had with Jude was always weird. When she was finished she made her way over to the Gryffindor table where Harry, Ron, and Hermione were sitting. All three were talking about the clue Harry had received and no one knew what to expect. The three of them turned around to converse with Elizabeth. 

“You should come down to the Black Lake with us and see if we can figure out anything related to this clue. I’m so worried for Harry, it looks like Fleur already has it figured out.” Hermione really didn’t take well to someone knowing more than she did. Elizabeth was about to agree when she caught Fred’s eyes from across the table.

Fred glanced around and winked at her. He then shook his head “no” and pointed to Elizabeth first and then himself. “You’re mine,” he mouthed, a wicked grin on his face before he held up one finger and mouthed again. “One hour, right here.” It took a lot of concentration for Elizabeth to steal glances at Fred and not look like a complete idiot at all of his little looks and hand gestures. 

Elizabeth came up with an excuse that she had to write to her family otherwise they were going to come and physically pick her up from Hogwarts on Christmas break. She also made a joking comment about her grandmother writing her out of the family will. The trio bought it and they parted ways. Elizabeth dashed back to her dorm to make herself look better. Was this a date? Was she really trying to impress her best friend’s older brother? God, she was such a cliche. 

When she emerged from her dorm she received glances from the boys in the common room. She knew she had developed curves and breasts over the summer. Her older cousin taught her how to dress in clothes that fit her. Elizabeth really did look like an attractive young woman, not just some old bag lady Slytherin that had become friends with Gryffindors. Even if she secretly wished she had been sorted there, she knew he could pull off the arrogance and appeal of being a Slytherin.

Arriving at the Great Hall, it was mostly empty, save for a few scattered people here and there that wouldn’t pay her or Fred any mind. She was nervous, picking the skin at her fingers as she waited near the entrance. “My, you look absolutely ravishing.” She heard Fred’s voice and smiled, turning her head towards him.

“Stop,” Elizabeth shook her head. Her wavy brunette hair was down, when it was normally kept up. She had put on a more casual skirt and sweater. A touch of makeup, and her favourite rose scented perfume. “You clean up rather well yourself.” Fred was wearing a burgundy button down shirt and tan pants. But it was his smile that made him so handsome.

“Shall we, my lady?” Fred offered his arm and Elizabeth took it. 

They ate lunch and drank butterbeer and laughed. Elizabeth couldn’t ever remember laughing this much in her life. The comfort she felt around Fred was more than she had ever felt. Even more than when she had still been friends with Draco and they had their lifelong friendship. She loved listening to him tell her about how he and George wanted to open up a joke shop with all of the wild invention ideas they had. 

“You’re _really_ going to brew love potions and sell them? Hogwarts will be a filthy, perverted grab fest.” Elizabeth laughed and shook her head. She knew everyone her age was starting to think about dating and snogging. She constantly heard Pansy Parkinson and Daphne Greengrass talking about what Slytherin boys they wanted to snog or go to the Yule Ball with. Of course the Slyherin Prince himself, Draco Malfoy, was at the top of their lists. 

“My innocent little Ellie, Hogwarts is already like that. Magic or not, teenage hormones are hard to control.” Fred got up and paid the barkeep and motioned for Elizabeth to follow him. They left the restaurant and walked around. Fred reached for her hand and she showed no objection to it. She noticed his pleased smirk as they continued on. 

Eventually they reached a bit of a clearing and Elizabeth stopped, Fred looking confused as she pulled him back. “Tell me, master of mischief… have you used a love potion on me without me knowing?”

Fred smiled, his body moving closer to Elizabeth’s. He was taller than her and she had to make an effort to look up at him. “Why’s that? Are you suffering from a severe infatuation with me? Constantly thinking about me day and night? Trying to look for me in the halls?” Fred let out a dramatic gasp and covered his mouth, playing along. “Ellie, you haven’t memorized my schedule have you? You little naughty stalker, you. What a bloody little minx you are!”

Elizabeth could hardly contain her laughter, and neither could Fred. Both of their cheeks were red from laughing and she gently reached at the hem of his shirt, running her fingers over the scratchy wool fabric. “I confess. I’m not sure it’s entirely gone to infatuation, but you have bewitched me, Fred Weasley. Love potion or not.” Fred’s smile changed to one of sincerity and he softly put his hand on Elizabeth’s red cheek.

“I admit, I have been trying to do this since the start of term. That first day back, I couldn’t even approach you, I was so nervous. Nobody makes me nervous.” 

“Nobody makes me blush,” Elizabeth countered, she could feel herself slightly trembling. She wasn’t sure if it was because of the cold air or because Fred’s body kept moving closer to hers. 

“If I kiss you, Ellie, I don’t know how long it’ll be ‘til I can stop. I need to make up for lost time.” There was still a playfulness in his voice, though it sounded entirely more vulnerable.

“You better kiss me longer than that awful one in the hallway. Honestly, I think I’ve had better in my dreams about-” And her sentence was cut off by Fred crashing his lips against hers. This kiss was a million times better than the one outside of the common room. There was emotion behind it as Fred grabbed her waist and pulled her to him. Elizabeth ran her hands up his shirt and around his neck, only able to because he was bending down and she was so close to him. Every other part of her body was freezing, but she could feel the blood running through her. He made her body feel hot from the inside out and she had never really experienced that before. 

When they finally stopped kissing because they needed air, neither could contain the happiness on their face. “Well, after that kiss I hardly think you could say no to being my girlfriend and going to the Yule Ball with me?”

Elizabeth put a smug look on her face and eyed him. “I could always say no just for the principle of it. But I’ll say yes. Because perhaps now I’m infatuated with you and if I saw you snogging another girl I’d have to punch her.” She gave a pretentious shrug and Fred smirked.

“It’s oddly hot when you act like a stuck up Slytherin.” Elizabeth could see the playfulness in his eyes, knowing he had said something to get a rise out of her. But she wasn’t offended, still, she gave him a flirtatious nudge with her arm and he grabbed her hand. “By the way, we should probably tell my siblings before someone rattles it off to them.”

“Yeah, though I’m not sure Ginny will be too thrilled.” They spoke about the Triwizard Tournament as they made their way back to the castle and as they got close to the Slytherin common room, Fred leaned down to kiss her again.

“I’m afraid I could do this for the next few hours if you don’t tell me to bugger off.” Fred mouthed it against her lips, lightly pressing her into the wall.

“Well unless you want to write a long, detailed letter to my half blind Aunt in Scotland, you might have to. Not that I _want_ you to stop.” She mumbled back and Fred grinned.

“Alright, alright.” He let out a disappointed sigh and stepped back from her. “By the way I think it’s best if I tell Ron and you tell Giinny.”

“What?!” Elizabeth’s mouth flew open and she looked at Fred and shook her head. “Why do I have to tell the meaner one?” Fred was now backing up slowly and moving towards the main corridor. 

“Because you’re not a blood relative and she won’t punch you in your beautiful, perfect face.” His backtalk and banter was positively addictive but she scoffed and shook her head. Elizabeth thought he was going to make a run for it before she rattled off another comment but he stopped, eyeing her for a second before jogging to her and grabbing her face for one more long kiss.

“I just had to do that again before I left.” Smiling, he kissed her cheek and waved back to her. “Thank you for today, my Ellie.”  
Elizabeth couldn’t even speak, she just covered one cheek with her hand and waved with the other, watched the older Weasley twin disappear around the corner and she already missed him.

Fuck. She was so fucking screwed.


	6. i think you'll never be too much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * flashback to Elizabeth's fourth year still *

The library was eerily more silent than normal as Lizzy and Ginny sat across from each other in the back. Maybe it wasn’t more silent than usual, but Lizzy could definitely hear her own heartbeat. She had decided that today would be the day she would tell Ginny about her relationship with Fred. It had been nearly two weeks and the two of them sneaking around was a breeding ground for disaster. Not only was a relationship between a Gryffindor and Slytherin something that would shock students from year one to year seven, but a Weasley with a “respected” pureblood like Elizabeth’s family would also be a huge topic of conversation.

Ginny was already getting aggravated with her essay and it just made Elizabeth more nervous. Elizabeth never got nervous. Why did the matter of Ginny approving of her relationship with Fred matter so much?

Ginny looked up from her parchment to Elizabeth staring at her and she raised her eyebrows. “You’re not even doing your assignments?”

Elizabeth swallowed hard and just fiddled with her quill in her hand. She had no answer for her. All she could think about was Ginny jumping across the table and ringing her neck. No doubt having six older brothers meant she’d have no issue doing it. 

“What is wrong with you? You look terrified? Did something happen?” Ginny lowered her voice and slid closer to her from across the table. 

“ _Ikissedyourbrother_.” Elizabeth said it fast and in a whisper and Ginny took a hard jump away from her and looked at her from across the table.

“Wait… you kissed my brother?” Elizabeth just nodded quickly and closed her eyes. She was waiting to feel Ginny’s fist connect with her face. “How, how did he react?”

Elizabeth opened her eyes in surprise. That was definitely not the reaction she was expecting. “Um, he actually kissed me first. I was mostly just kissing him back?”

“Well that’s rich of him. Giving all these signals to other girls and then going and kissing you!” Ginny shook her head in disapproval and scoffed.

“Wait, he… he flirts with other girls?” Elizabeth’s stomach dropped and for the first time in her life she thought that she might cry. In public. Over a stupid boy that made her feel special twice.

“Yeah…. I mean we all know it’s just to get a rise out of Hermione. All because he’s just too big of a chicken shite to actually tell her how he feels. But to go so low as to flirt with someone so close to her and kiss her! I swear I’m going to ring his neck next time I see him.”

Elizabeth perked up and grabbed Ginny’s hands. She was talking about Ron. The idea that Fred was going around flirting with other girls had her practically shattered. Still, that meant she still needed to fess up to what was really going on. 

“I… didn’t kiss Ron.” Ginnys head tilted as she waited for elizabeth’s explanation. “I kissed Fred. Multiple times. And we’re dating and he is taking me to the Yule Ball.”

Now Elizabeth closed her eyes and waited for the inevitable punch between her eyes. But it never happened and she opened one of her eyes to look at Ginny smiling. “You thought I was going to punch you.”

“Uh…. yeah. I sort of thought you might.” Normally it was the brothers significant others had to worry about, but in this case it was Ginny. “I couldn’t convince myself that you wouldn’t be mad about Fred and me.”

“I’d have no reason to be mad at you and Fred! I got annoyed because I thought Ron was being a dumb git, I wish him and Hermione would just get together already, this is getting old.” With a roll of her eyes, she sighed and leaned back. “Well my back is killing me, I’m going to head back.” 

Elizabeth nodded and waved bye as she packed her stuff up. She stayed a little longer, if only just to make sure she got at least some of her assignments done. She finished up and entered the corridors, which were crowded for an afternoon. She was still smiling, knowing that Ginny wasn’t mad that her and Fred were… well, they were a couple, weren’t they?

Elizabeth was hardly paying attention, her head in the clouds when someone grabbed her by her waist and pulled her down an empty corridor. 

Draco saw Elizabeth be pulled into an empty corridor and his hands instantly balled up into fists. His knuckles turned white as he pushed students aside to get to her. The idea that someone could put their hands on her like that got his blood boiling. Liz wasn’t some piece of meat to be handled. But when he rounded the corner he stopped dead in his tracks.

Elizabeth had her arms around Fred Weasley’s neck, and it looked like they were about to eat each other alive. Their hands were frantically touching each other’s bodies and Draco almost threw up. He turned back around so they didn’t notice him but stayed close.

“I’ve been waiting all day for this,” it was Liz that said it and Draco clenched his jaw tight. He wanted nothing more than to go over there and pry them apart, throw Lizzy over his shoulder and haul her back to the Slytherin common room. But she was kissing him back out of her own free will. Is that why this hurt so much? 

“All day? You’re bloody impatient, woman. We practically snogged all of last night.” Fred was joking, giving her side a small squeeze. “Wait a second, lemme get a look at you.” Fred stepped back and cupped Lizzy’s cheeks. “Your face is even more perfect than it was yesterday, I’ll take it that Ginny didn’t punch you in the face given you’re missing a black eye.”

“Ginny didn’t care,” Elizabeth beamed. Fred gave a contagious smile and kissed her hard. “She thought I was kissing Ron, actually. Which… ew.”

“How dare she think that you would ever go for Ron if I was an option. I’m right insulted!” His fake anger made Elizabeth roll her eyes. Draco was rolling his eyes as well, but still listening.

“Oh shut up, but at least now we don’t have to hide that I’m your girlfriend and we will undoubtedly be the best looking couple at the Yule ball.”

“Have I mentioned how much I love when you get all conceited Slytherin on me?” They began kissing again and Draco felt that familiar pit in his stomach. 

She was going with him to the Yule ball and they were dating. His Lizzy, snogging with that blood traitor Weasley. Giddy, nonetheless. Draco was fuming as he shoved people out of his way on his walk back to the common room. When he entered, he went right up to Pansy Parkinson, grabbed her face and kissed her. “You’re going to the Yule Ball with me. Make sure you buy a dress that’s better than every other girl in this school. I want everyone looking at us.”

This was all Pansy had ever wanted and she almost died of happiness. But what she didn’t know was it was all just a quick bandaid to fix the pain of seeing Elizabeth Roland with another boy. Draco only hoped Lizzy would be as deeply hurt as he was when she saw him waltz into the Yule Ball with her least favorite Slytherin girl on his arm.

Elizabeth spent all day second guessing her decision on the dress she chose. All of the other Slytherin girls had chosen tight, revealing dresses. She watched Pansy strut around the last hour in her body hugging dark green dress. She did look amazing in it, but her bitchy attitude was a constant reminder of the real ugliness she had. Elizabeth was so grateful when she finally left their dorm room and she was alone.

She slipped into her dress; it was just a simple A-line dress. The neckline was bordered with lace and it was in deep burgundy colour. Elizabeth curled her hair and put a small clip with silver rhinestones on one side to hold her hair back from going in her face. Her heels were small, but she felt very mature for wearing them. When she finally felt like she was done she left the dorms and went to the corridor where she said she would meet Fred before the ball. 

Fred was there before her and she smirked when she saw his velvet jacket and gold colored vest. To everyone else she was sure he looked a bit odd for a ball but to her he looked perfect. Fred turned to look at her when he heard the sound of her heels and he was quite literally speechless as he looked her over. “You… you look breathtakingly gorgeous, Ellie.” She could see the sincerity in his eyes as he reached for her hands. 

Of course her cheeks turned red and she touched his vest gently. “I love your dress robes. You look even more handsome than usual.” Fred just leaned down and kissed her softly, guiding her hand through his arm as they started walking towards the ball. “Are you ready for our big debut? A Gryffindor and Slytherin couple… someone might faint.”

Fred laughed, “I’m counting on it. You know how much of a sucker I am for dramatics.” They were already getting weird glances from the people waiting outside. “George is here with Angelina, I figured we could sit with them. Did you hear that Ron asked Hermione as a last ditch effort for a date and she’s already got one?” Fred was clearly trying to distract her as he pulled her closer walking through the crowd of Slytherin’s to their right.

Pansy was sitting on Draco’s lap with her arms around his neck, whispering into his ear. Draco’s hand was placed strategically on her thigh, and while Pansy looked like she was having the night of her life, Draco looked pissed off. Because he was glaring at Fred and Lizzy walking by, talking and laughing. He was jealous of their natural chemistry, at the way they effortlessly were drawn to each other. Him and Lizzy had been like that once, however he was being too arrogant to realize why their dynamic had changed. What made him even more infuriated was that Lizzy didn’t even look over. 

Fred and Elizabeth joined George and Angelina and a bunch of other Gryffindor’s. When the music started, Fred didn’t even offer, he just stood up and grabbed his girlfriend. They danced for a good amount of time, and Elizabeth felt like she was in a fairy tale. Hermione’s entrance with Viktor Krum had everyone talking and Ron pouting.

Elizabeth noticed Draco and Pansy and their sudden relationship and public displays of affection. For some reason, it didn’t sit right with her but she didn’t really care. Elizabeth was completely happy. 

If only she had known how quickly that happiness would be taken from her, maybe she would have savored it a little more.


	7. and i've been a fool and i've been blind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * flashback to 4th and 5th year, also MATURE content warning. this is a long chapter, but i'm trying to get all of the older filler in before the deep ones hit~*

It took longer than expected for Lizzy’s brother, Jude, to react to her relationship with Fred. The two had never been particularly close. If anything, she had been much closer to Draco growing up than Jude. Still, when it mattered in the case of saving face, Jude would pop up to be her “older brother”.

Two days after the Yule Ball, Jude caught Lizzy in the Slytherin Common Room. “You already know what I’m going to say, Lizzy. Don’t make me say it and just tell me you’ll end it with Weasley willingly.”

“Oh, _it’s nice to see you too, brother_. Yes, my classes are going well. No,I haven’t been getting into trouble. However, yes. I have begun dating someone who is very nice, charming, and although you might disapprove that he’s older-”

“Elizabeth! Stop acting like a little girl!” Jude had a temper that was way too easy to set off and of course Lizzy knew exactly how to do it. “If you’re dating a Weasley it’ll look like we’re choosing a side.”

Lizzy shook her head. “And you hanging out with the Travers and Carrow boys is any different? _I heard mum and dad talking about who was suspected of being at the Quidditch Cup_ , last I remember you didn’t get to the portkey until well past midnight…” Crossing her arms she stood up a little straighter, eyeing her older brother. He had always believed in the pure blood philosophy, just as their parents did. However, their parents stood firm in the Roland tradition of never picking a pot to put all their coins in. “It is funny that right now is when you pick to be an older brother. Not when Malfoy and his goonies are calling me names and trying to trip me in the train car.”

“You did that to yourself, Lizzy. You didn’t have to go and befriend all those Gryffindor’s but you did.” Jude raised his eyebrows. There was the practical ideology of natural consequence when it came to blood relatives and she just rolled her eyes. “Here’s mum and dad’s Christmas present; five galleons. Don’t spend it all on your peasant boyfriend.” He scoffed one last time and went back into the dorms. No doubt to be the complete arsehole he was with all of his arsehole friends. 

The rest of the school year was normal for Lizzy. After the last Triwizard Tournament event, Lizzy’s parents had written to her and Jude that they were to come home immediately and weren’t allowed to leave the property for the summer. If there was one thing the siblings agreed on, it was that neither was going to step foot in their family home until they knew their parents weren’t going to try and hold them hostage. Jude was now of age and had access to the inheritance their grandparents had left each of them. Lizzy made an agreement to repay Jude for the money he was going to loan her to keep herself safe for the summer on her seventeenth birthday. 

It was the last kind act he would ever do for her.

She didn’t want to ask Fred if she could stay with him and his family for the summer. Instead, on the day before everyone was tasked with going home, she was browsing through the Daily Prophet for rooms that might be for rent for the summer. She felt Fred’s arms around her waist and his chin on her shoulder, no doubt he was looking at what she was reading.

“Rooms for rent? Miss Ellie, are you planning on taking advantage of me?” Fred’s lips gently kissed her collarbone and Elizabeth got goosebumps at his contact. Over the last few months that had gradually been trying new things, but never had any sort of privacy to go too far. Elizabeth was surprised that Fred didn’t push her, considering what she heard from most of the other girls at school. But Fred was a gentleman, and it made her more proud to be his girlfriend. 

“I wish.” Elizabeth flipped a page over, scrunching her nose up at the locations of all these places she could live. “My parents basically wrote to Jude and me and told us that we are effectively on permanent house arrest until next term. The only thing him and I can agree on is that we are absolutely _not_ doing that. This is my next option.” Before she could get out her next train of thought, Fred had the prophet out of her hand and placed it on the table. Next thing she knew, Fred had her hauled over his shoulder as he moved towards where the others were sitting. “Fred! What are you doing!?” 

She could see the Slytherin’s looking absolutely disgusted and it made her happy. Elizabeth pretended to fight. “Hermione I’m going to need some sort of charm or jinx to get this stubborn Slytherin small enough to fit in my trunk. She thinks I’m going to allow her to live alone in some creeps house instead of taking her back to the Burrow for the summer. George, any room in your trunk? Good thing we’re the same size, I could dump my stuff and just put her in mine.” 

George laughed and shook his head. “No, mate. Maybe we can squeeze her in Ron’s. Though his clothes might smell a little funny.” 

“You know, you two are hilarious, but I’m not going to burden your parents with taking care of me for the entire summer.” Elizabeth was able to pick her head up to speak to the table. “Can you put me down now? I’ve gained weight from all the Hogsmeade dates you’ve taken me on. How are you even holding me still?”

“Well… motivation, really. I’ve got a perfect view of your arse, my Ellie.” Grinning, he lightly gave her bottom a smack and put her down behind Ron and Hermione. Elizabeth could see Draco practically fuming across the Great Hall and it confused her. Pansy was sitting right next to him. 

“I’m sure mum and dad won’t care if you stay with us. Bill and Charlie are all moved out. We’ve got the extra rooms. Plus, Hermione is going to stay in August after she goes on vacation with her parents.” Ron pointed it out, giving a small shrug. The idea of spending an entire summer with the Weasley’s sounded amazing. She had never been to the Burrow, but from what she had heard it sounded amazing.

“It’s settled then. I’ll write mum and tell her to expect you and maybe I can somehow convince her to let us share a room…” Fred’s eyebrows wiggled, Ron rolled his eyes and Ginny made a gagging noise. Elizabeth knew this summer was going to be unforgettable.

The Burrow was more than she imagined. It was cozy and warm and felt nothing like the place she grew up in. Every day she spent there she felt more and more like she was being pushed in the right direction. That she was following the path she was supposed to. And although Fred had tried and failed to get Molly to agree to them sharing a room (eventually it was obvious Fred was doing it just to watch his mother twitch), somehow Fred wound up sneaking in and falling asleep in her bed with her. 

The biggest surprise was that only a week into summer, the Weasley’s had a family meeting. The Order of the Phoenix was being rebuilt and the family sat and discussed the risks of being involved. There was a unanimous vote to join, Elizabeth knowing that she intended on doing the same. However, Molly was very adamant about Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and herself not being allowed to join until they were of age. 

“Load of rubbish, that is. All that age stuff.” Fred was actually annoyed as he climbed into her bed. “Why do they think that one day you’re a child and then boom! The clock strikes midnight and suddenly you’re _that_ much wiser and able to suddenly make better decisions. I’ll always be an impulsive git and I pride myself on that.” There was his bit of playfulness as he reached over to pull Elizabeth close to him. 

“You only say that because you’re of age now and can use magic.” Elizabeth pointed out, reaching up to push his hair out of his eyes. “You didn’t even hesitate to join. It doesn’t scare you? You-know-who being back?”

Fred looked at her, his expression softer and one of his hands slid down her side. “The idea that him being back could stop me from having the future that I want is scary, and also why I agreed.” He leaned forward to kiss her, pulling her up against him. Elizabeth knew what he was saying. The world stood in such a precarious spot right now; one tip of the scales either way and everything could be different. The unknown was looming over them, hovering and waiting to steal the small thread of happiness everyone was trying to hold onto. 

And Fred was her happiness. Fred and his family and their friends. She knew that although Roland’s never chose a side, she would have no issue standing with the Order. 

“I’m not tired,” Elizabeth declared with a huff. “Too much going on in my head.”

Fred smirked, trailing his lips down her jawline. “I bet I can distract you a bit.” For some reason, the idea of snogging with Fred’s entire family just rooms away was a bit exciting. Fred slid her over on the bed, gently moving on top of her since the bed was so tiny. “If you get tired, just kick me out.”

Elizabeth knew that she would never kick him out. But she let out a small gasp when she felt his hardness against her. They had done this a few times, where they rubbed their clothed bodies on each other. Fred seemed to have a lot more experience in this area than she did, as he led the way and they had both enjoyed it. “Fred,” She whispered, “I want more.” Fred led out a low moan as she said it, and Elizabeth moved her hands to his waist band. “Tell me how to make you feel good.”

She could see Fred’s breathing picking up, but for some reason she felt like he was holding back. So Elizabeth just moved her hand in, gripping his cock. She had only ever felt it through his pants, and she liked this so much more. Fred grunted when she grabbed him and he slowly thrusted his hip into her hand. “Move your hand up and down,” He told her, again thrusting into her grip. When she did as she was told she looked at Fred’s face. He was trying to keep his head buried in her neck, but Elizabeth could see the look of pleasure on his face. This went on for a few minutes before Fred grabbed her hand and pulled it out of his pants. “I don’t want to surprise you with what happens next.” 

Elizabeth looked confused, but she had a feeling he was referring to the wet spot he had after she rubbed herself on him. Before she could ask, Fred was gripping her thigh with his hand. His own hand playing with the hem of her pyjama pants. He looked at her, a look that was asking for permission. She grabbed his hands, though. “Wait,” Fred looked worried, like he had done something wrong. “Is it… is it too cliche to tell you that I love you? Because I do, Fred. I love you.”

The pure happiness spread across Fred’s face told her that it wasn’t. “I love you, Ellie. My naughty little minx, getting me all emotional at a time like this!” There was Fred, cracking a joke while he slid a hand down into her knickers. “I’m going to need you to relax. If you don’t like anything just tell me and I will stop." Elizabeth nodded and Fred leaned down to kiss her. Suddenly she felt one of his fingers on the part of herself that always tingled.

“ _Oh my,_ ” She moaned, Fred giving a soft laugh as he moved his finger in gentle circles. “Oh, I really like how this feels.” It didn’t take long for him to have her writhing underneath him as he pushed a little harder. He could tell by her breathing and the way she kept biting her lip that she was probably close.

“You need to let go, love. Stop tensing up and let it happen. I promise it’ll feel better than it does now.” Elizabeth could feel something building up inside of her and she trusted Fred so she listened. Taking a deep breath she felt like she was going over the edge of something and then it was like waves crashing onto the sand. Her whole body shook and she moaned loudly, Fred pressing his mouth to hers to muffle the sound from waking up the whole house. 

When he stopped moving his finger he stopped kissing her as well, the risk of her noise level was low. He was looking at her with such a proud smile, taking in the red on her cheeks, the sweat forming right at the base of her neck which he gently leaned down to kiss. “I want more.” Elizabeth said it matter of factly, a small laugh coming from her. “Fred, I want to do it. I want to make you feel like that.” 

“I don’t know, Ellie. That was a lot for you, maybe we should wait unt-” Elizabeth put her lips to his and reached back down to where his hardness was. This time she grabbed him with a purpose and he gasped into her mouth. “Are you sure? You want… everything?”

“I want everything.” Elizabeth didn’t hesitate in her answer and she could see lust in Fred’s eyes when he looked up at her. 

Fred pulled his shirt over his head and pushed his pants down until they came off. He looked at Elizabeth with a hunger and gently pulled her own pants down. “If you want to leave your shirt on-” But Elizabeth pulled her own shit off, Fred mesmerized by the sight of her completely naked underneath him. “You are breathtakingly gorgeous, Merlin.” He leaned down and licked and sucked at one of her nipples and Elizabeth moaned. He propped himself up on his hands and looked at her. “If it hurts, I stop. We don’t have to go further.”

“I’m ready,” Elizabeth reassured him and he positioned himself at her entrance. He slowly began entering her and she couldn’t describe the feeling. It wasn’t amazing, but it wasn’t awful either. Fred, however, looked like he had just won a million galleons. There was no description for the look of pure bliss on his face.

“ _Fuck_ ,” He moaned it, surprising Elizabeth since he really didn’t curse that much around her. “Are you okay? Does it hurt?” He looked in her eyes, it was obvious that he was concerned with how she felt.

“I feel, like… I just feel full?” Elizabeth laughed, and it caused Fred to twitch, that time it hurt a little bit. “Oh!” There was a reason he had been telling her to relax. When she tensed up, so did down there. To her, it didn’t feel great but she could imagine how it felt for Fred. “I, um. I take potions so we don’t have to worry about… consequences.” That was the one thing she did know about sex, was babies came from it. Her mother had her on a contraception potion the minute she “became a woman”. Fred just nodded, he looked like he was back to worrying about whether or not he would break her. “It’s okay,” She cupped his cheek. “I want this. I want you.” 

Fred began to move his hips and Elizabeth let out a small cry that she stifled behind a moan as she put the back of her hand over her mouth. This did hurt, but she didn’t mind. She watched Fred on top of her, breathing staggered and eyes darting from her breasts to her face. She wondered what men thought of when they did this, and she was fairly certain Fred was thinking of her. That made her happy as she tried to remind herself to relax. 

She didn’t know what to do, so she used her hands to touch him. To run down his back, trace the outline of his arm muscles as he held himself up. Every time they locked eyes, she whispered, “I love you,” and Fred whispered it back. When he started to move faster and with much more force, Elizabeth gritted her teeth. This hurt, but seeing how Fred’s eyes almost rolled back in his head was worth it. If she focused, she could feel him getting bigger inside of her. 

“Ellie, I’m going to finish.” Fred warned her, barely getting the words out in between his fast breathing. His last push inside of her went deep and she gasped. It didn’t feel bad, but she felt this sudden warmth inside of her and her eyes widened. Fred looked exhausted and Elizabeth grabbed his head and cradled it to her chest. 

“Did I make you feel good?” Elizabeth gave a soft laugh as she lightly ran her hand through Fred’s hair. “Though I feel like I didn’t do much.”

“You have no idea how amazing that was.” Fred breathed out. The moments when he was sincere she loved, because they were moments he didn’t share with many. She seemed to collect them. 

The summer was spent between the Burrow and Grimmauld Place. Fred and Elizabeth fell even more in love, and their newly discovered intimacy made their interactions particularly cringeworthy to everyone around them. As Fred and George took time to play with their inventions for their joke shop, Elizabeth got to spend time with Ginny. It was a win all around. The Weasley’s seemed to approve of Elizabeth, though. She was humble and kept the boys in their place. She’d already been invited to spend the next summer with them. 

Their fifth year was more grim than their fourth. Fred was the only thing that kept her from leaving Hogwarts for good. She didn’t even want to know what she was going to do next year. The changes in everyone was noticeable. As they stood in the Room of Requirement at a meeting for Dumbledore’s Army, they snapped a photo. Like the original Order of the Phoenix. When Elizabeth glanced at it, Fred’s arms around her and her head back as she no doubtedly laughed at something he said, she noticed her green Slytherin crest on her sweater. The only Slytherin in the DA. The only Slytherin in the Order. 

Had the sorting hat been wrong? Or was she just pretending to be someone else the last few years?


	8. regrets collect like old friends

Every morning Lizzy and Draco would shuffle down to the great hall together and get breakfast. On this particular morning, Ginny had waited for the opportune moment when Draco left for his weekend “Death Eater punishment” project to confront Lizzy. She caught her outside of the great hall looking pale and miserable; a stark contrast to the vibrant and mysterious Slytherin her older brother had fallen in love with. “Hey, Elizabeth!” The sound of her full name caught her off guard — since she had been hanging around with the Slytherin’s more, she had become more familiar with Lizzy again. But she knew the sound of the voice that called to her and she turned around.

“Ginny, hey. How are you?” Lizzy pulled her sweater tighter around her body. The weather was changing fast and she didn’t mind — it gave her more time to wear baggy clothing and hide what was quickly growing underneath. 

“I’m great, actually. How about you? I noticed you’re, um, you’re hanging around with Malfoy and them a lot lately?” Ginny said it under her breath. She knew about Lizzy’s past with the Malfoy’s, and Ginny was a huge reason as to why Draco stopped talking to her in the first place. “Are you alright? Do you need anything?”

Lizzy shook her head. “No, I’m fine. Listen, I’m not feeling too great after that breakfast. Send my love to your family, okay?” She reached out and patted Ginny’s shoulder before quickly darting into the crowd that was leaving the great hall. She needed to get as far away from her as possible right now. Add to it that she thought she was going to puke and she barely made it into the common room before she lost most of her breakfast from that morning.

The next time Lizzy glanced at her watch it was almost noon. Draco was usually back by now. She finally felt like she had enough energy to be a functioning human being and made herself look presentable and exited the common room. She could hear voices around the corner and she peeked around it to see Draco and Ginny arguing.

“What in the bloody hell do you think you’re doing hanging around Elizabeth like that? After all the pain and suffering she has gone through at the hands of people _you associated with?”_

“Last time I checked I wasn’t causing her any pain and suffering right now. In fact I’d say I’m giving her the opposite. She seems quite content when I’m around. I’d even go so far as to say _safe_? Don’t pretend like you don’t know we grew up together. I know her far better than you lot think you do.” 

“How _dare_ you act like you have any idea you know what she’s feeling. That’s real bold of you, Malfoy. Really fucking bold.” 

“You also seem to be forgetting I lost people too. It’s not exactly a black and white issue, here. But look at you, Ginny Weasley, the girlfriend of the infamous _Harry Potter_ concerned for a friend. Took you long enough to ask her about it, hm? Potter got you asking around? Don’t you think if she wanted any of your bloody help she’d have asked for it? Perhaps the pain was caused by someone closer than you think-“ Lizzy took a deep breath and rounded the corner, sweater pulled tight to her body still. 

“What the fuck does that mean, Malfoy? What are you implying-“ Ginny’s head turned to see Lizzy standing there and she stopped speaking. Both Draco and Ginny looked like they had been caught red handed with their hands in the cookie jar. 

“Both of you, stop it. Ginny, I’m fine. Really. When I’m ready to talk, I will. Draco, I can defend myself. Thank you for sticking up for me, but don’t go getting into arguments when you can’t afford to right now, especially because of me.” Both of them looked like they had been scolded. “Draco, can we please go to Hogsmeade? I need to pick up a few things.” Draco nodded and walked towards Lizzy with his hands in his pockets, only taking one out to place it on the small of her back as they walked back into the common room. Ginny scoffed and went the other way. She was so similar to Draco in terms of their loyalty and temper. Lizzy was now expecting a concerned owl from nearly every Weasley family member. 

“Liz, you look like death. Are you feeling alright?” Concern was all over Draco’s face as they moved towards their dorms to get their coats. “Maybe you should see Madam Pomfrey, you really don’t look well.” 

“When I look at Ginny I can’t help but see her brother’s… and I just. I know you want to know, Draco. And I know I need to tell you. I’m just not ready to.” Lizzy sighed and rubbed her eyes. She knew she probably looked like complete crap, so she nodded her head. “Alright, I’ll go see Pomfrey. I’ll let you know how it goes.” 

Liz had been gone for nearly two hours and Draco began to worry. He’d been pacing the common rooms and the corridors outside of the dungeons. He finally saw Liz round the corner from the stairs and breathed a sigh of relief. Draco didn’t want her to think he had been worrying, though, so he walked casually towards her, his hands in his pockets. “Everything alright?” He asked. She looked better, at least in his opinion. 

“I’m fine. I was just a bit dehydrated. Pomfrey gave me some potions for nausea so that should help out a lot.” Draco could tell that wasn’t all, though. She wasn’t telling the full story and he gave her a look that told her he knew she was hiding something. “I know, but we can’t talk here.” Since this morning, Liz was afraid Ginny would be hovering and she really didn’t need the Weasley’s in her business right now. 

Draco grabbed her hand and led her to the astronomy tower. It had always been their spot. Hardly anyone went up there, especially with the weather changing. “Alright, spill it.” Draco was never good with patience. And not now, especially. If the last few years had taught him anything it was that life could change in the course of seconds. 

“I had to tell Pomfrey about the pregnancy. She said she had to tell Headmistress McGonagall. So… she did. I told them that you’re the father and honestly, I don’t think McGonagall buys it, but she didn’t push it any further.” That didn’t surprise Draco, it was pretty obvious that him and Liz had been borderline enemies the last few years. But why couldn’t they all see that so much was different now? “She said that after Christmas break we could live in Hogsmeade if we want to. There are a few apartments and small cottages, and that the school would take care of it until term ends. From there we’d have to start paying rent for it. McGonagall will give us permission to apparate from our residence to the school.” 

Draco took it all in and nodded his head. “Do you think it’s a good idea?” Draco really had nothing to lose in this situation. It was Liz that he thought should be making big decisions for them. 

“I think that considering I won’t be able to keep it a secret, yeah. And the baby is due around the end of April, we will still have a month of school left. I don’t think a baby crying in the middle of the night will make Pansy particularly happy.” Though the idea of keeping her up all night with a baby she claimed was Draco’s was vicious, Liz still would have enjoyed it. “I’m also not excited about bringing the baby into school, but Madam Pomfrey said she will watch them while we have classes." 

“If I don’t have class when you do we can switch on and off. I know you probably won’t want…” Draco wanted to say Ginny but he caught onto Liz’s paranoia about the Weasley’s. “I’ll stay with the baby when I’m free and you have class.” 

Liz was so caught on why Draco was helping her so much. She knew that at some point they had finally admitted the potential there was in them ending up together, but Draco had pushed her away. It was something neither of them had spoken about, but Liz was so focused on how to get through this pregnancy she was just grateful for his support. “Thank you, I really would appreciate that. Maybe we should just focus on Christmas break and how to tell our parents.” 

“We know it’s going to be accepted or shunned for both sides. Honestly I’m not sure which one is worse.” Draco didn’t understand why his parents were still as stuck up a pretentious as they always had been. The world was completely different than it was less than a year ago. “Whatever happens, we’ll make it work. I’m not going to let you do this alone.” 

Staring at each other from across the astronomy tower, Lizzy knew that Draco meant it. It was the first time in a long time that she looked at Draco Malfoy and felt that he wasn’t going to let her down. 


	9. here to relive your darkest moments

The week before Christmas break, Lizzy and Draco headed to Hogsmeade to find a place to live. They initially went into town with Blaise, Pansy, and Daphne, but had conveniently slipped away from them after a few rounds of drinks. After walking off of the main road, there was a smaller cottage close to a creek that was empty. Lizzy hadn’t objected to a small flat above a storefront, but Draco was the one to point out noises from the shops below and from the main street. 

And Lizzy had to admit, as the weeks had gone on, Draco was taken more to parenthood than she was. He was the logical thinker, the calculated one of the two who didn’t hesitate to point out a flaw in a plan. Maybe his time as a Death Eater had served some sort of purpose; Draco was able to distinguish flaws from practicality and was convinced these small things would keep them safe. He was determined to make up all that had happened between them, the love that he had for her never went away; he just wasn’t as much of a naive teenage boy as he first had been and knew that supporting her was more important than any of his emotions.

Because Draco was convinced that Lizzy would never see him in that sort of way again. And he couldn’t blame her for it. 

They met a little old lady at the cottage who gave them a sprawling tale about how this was her and her husband’s first home. The story made Lizzy smile and Draco could tell that was probably what Lizzy wished had happened in her life. Probably with Fred, as soon as she left Hogwarts. Instead she was settling on pretending with Draco, with a pregnancy he knew she didn’t want to see through but wasn’t able to end willingly.

It was tiny, but cozy. Draco was sure they could fit ten into the houses they grew up in. It had two bedrooms and a third smaller one off the back. It would be just enough for them until they decided what their next move would be. They had agreed on the place when the older woman caught them off guard.

“Now, I’ll take it that you two are married?” She gave them a stern look and Lizzy’s eyes widened. Where she was usually quick, she had been exhausted lately so Draco intercepted. 

“Not yet, ma’am.” Draco put on the smile that he knew charmed most women. “You see we’re childhood sweethearts. However..” Draco grabbed Lizzy’s hand and laced his fingers with hers. “I won’t lie to you, we are expecting a child in the spring.” The woman put her hand over her mouth in shock and Draco bowed his head. “Our families have rightfully disowned us both and we are just trying to bring our child into the world with some sort of stability. If you were willing to look past our indiscretions we would be able to pay you a little bit more every month in rent.” That got the older woman's attention and she looked at Draco.

“And you plan on making an honest woman out of her?”

“Absolutely. I have intended on doing that since I was five.” Lizzy had no doubt that Draco meant what he was saying. They had long pretended to get married when they were kids underneath the huge blackthorn tree near the pond on the Malfoy’s property. 

“He wanted us to get married the minute we found out about the pregnancy, but if we’re going to be wed I really want to wear a beautiful dress and a veil and not look like a waddling duck.” Lizzy chimed in with a small smile. “And I do believe those silver birch trees would be gorgeous in the summer, don’t you think dear?” She was talking to Draco who gave a firm nod.

“I suppose the world is changing, as it has many times in the years I’ve been alive. You seem like good, honest kids. I’ll expect rent on the first of each month. You may move in as soon as tomorrow if you’d like. It’s been empty for a few weeks now.” The woman handed them the keys and they all left.

Draco and Lizzy continued to hold hands as they walked until they got back to the main road. “Amazing how quickly that pure blood attitude kicks in when you need it,” Draco was teasing her, and she nudged him with her elbow.

“Oh, please. I did quite enjoy your _woe is us, our parents have shunned us_ act.”

“Well, you never know. It might yet come to pass knowing our families.”

“The wanting to marry me since we were five bit was good, too. Quick thinking.”

“That wasn’t an act, Lizzy.” Draco said it softly, but she knew his tone of voice and it was quite serious. Lizzy just cleared her throat as they continued walking. It was the first words spoken of their affection for each other. Of an unspeakable, indescribable bond they had shared since they were young. It wasn’t until their sixth year that Lizzy had allowed herself to accept that in another life it might have been her and Draco. But she had found Fred in this life and it didn’t feel fair to dishonor his memory by allowing the what-ifs to become reality. She had already dishonored him enough.

However, everyone else would have to believe that she was laughing at Fred’s memory. And the first part of it would be now; while they were both thinking in their own heads, they hadn’t even realized they were still holding hands when they strolled up to The Hog’s Head. Pansy, Daphne, and Blaise all exited and it was Pansy’s face that gave it away. She stared, wide eyed at Draco and Lizzy’s fingers interlocked. They had been holding hands like this since they were children, that it didn’t even feel romantic in the slightest to either of them.

Pansy looked like she was about to cry and Lizzy actually felt bad for her. She knew the feeling of heartbreak now. But she knew that Pansy would get over it by getting under some other wealthy, high society wizard. Her love was dead and buried in the ground. And she was having his twin brother’s baby. In hindsight, Lizzy thought Pansy should’ve appreciated the opportunities that she had ahead of her more. But still, this needed to be addressed.

“Right. Well, I don’t think it should be hidden much longer, what do you think, Liz?” Draco was asking for her permission. This wasn’t his secret to tell, but he would verbalize it if she couldn’t do it. Lizzy just nodded, a small frown on her face. It was getting harder to hide her growing stomach, and they’d have to tell their friends after break anyway when they moved into the cottage. “We’re dating. Have been since before term. Just didn’t want anyone to know in case it didn’t work out.” Leave it to Draco to give the short summary of their plan.

“We had to try,” Liz interrupted, looking at Draco. “Because I’m pregnant.” For some reason it felt like a weight had been lifted off of her shoulder, finally saying it out loud. She really couldn’t have done it without Draco standing next to her holding her hand. “We are actually moving into a cottage by the creek after break. So if you guys are willing to come over and hangout we won’t have to worry about all the younger students annoying us.” 

Pansy was definitely going to cry and she immediately just apparated with a crack. Daphne frowned at the couple. “I should probably go do damage control, but congrats. I’ll see you guys at dinner, I’m sure she’ll be… _better_ by then.”

Blaise, however, threw his arms around Draco and patted him on the chest. “Well, shite. That dream of yours finally coming true, huh? You’ve been after Roland since we were kids.” Draco punched him in the stomach to shut him up and Lizzy could see the red rising in his pale cheeks. “I, personally, cannot wait to throw the first house party. Of course I’ll pick the music and provide the drinks. But I guess you’re off limits with the fire whiskey, huh Liz… damn.” Leave it to Blaise to go from watching a girls heart being broken to planning a party in thirty seconds. “Draco Malfoy and Elizabeth Roland as parents. Who would’ve thought you’d be the first ones to settle down and have a kid?”

“Definitely not us,” Liz replied with the most honesty Draco heard from her in weeks. And it made him smile.


	10. i can never leave the past behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * flashback to Elizabeth's 6th year *

“Alright class, let’s go around and see how your potions turned out.” Professor Slughorn’s voice hit every student's nerves, mostly because if they messed up the potion they’d have to write an essay, but if they got it right everyone in class would know what they smelled. Elizabeth was sure everyone was in the same boat as her; no one really knew which was worse until their nose was in the cauldron and it was too late.

Of course, Elizabeth was seated with the Slytherin’s, regardless of the fact they had potions with Gryffindor’s. At least she had been paired up with Blaise, she could at least tolerate him. He tended to be nice to her, especially if Malfoy wasn’t around. He had always been the most laid back friend in their group. Slughorn went around to the Gryffindor’s first and Elizabeth just hoped class time ran out before he got to them.

But it didn’t, and Slughorn was looking directly at her and Blaise. “In the tradition of politeness, ladies first, Ms. Roland. What does your amortentia smell like?”

Elizabeth was good at saving face and she leaned forward. _Fred_. She thought, trying to remember how he smelled. Instead, she got something completely opposite.

 _Morning dew._ “Freshly brewed coffee.” _Mahogany wood_. “Firework smoke.” _Apples_. “Clean cotton linens.” The last one, it made her stomach drop. She picked her head up and made eye contact with Draco Malfoy, who was staring right at her. _Draco Malfoy’s stupid fucking expensive French cologne _. “And-“__

__“Poverty.” Draco snickered, Crabbe and Goyle snorting behind him._ _

__Elizabeth brought her head up and cocked it to the side. “And what does yours smell like, Malfoy? I’d imagine rotten fish since you’re always bragging about how your head is between Parkinson’s legs-“ All of the Gryffindor’s erupted in laughter and even Zambini covered his mouth to hide his smile. Pansy was going to try and hex her the second they walked out of class but Elizabeth didn’t take her eyes off of Malfoy. He was positively fuming, and that’s exactly what she wanted._ _

__“ENOUGH!” Slughorn pointed to Elizabeth and Draco. “Both of you; detention tonight at 8. You can clean out the cauldrons, no magic necessary.” They gave a collective groan, but Elizabeth had no regrets about what she said. Not even when she had to spend the rest of the night looking over her shoulder to see if Pansy Parkinson was trying to jinx or hex her._ _

__

__At 8, Elizabeth made her way to the potions classroom and Malfoy was already there. Slughorn gave them their instructions and Elizabeth went to work on the other side of the room. She could tell that Draco kept looking at her, she couldn’t explain it, she could just feel it. When they were younger she always knew when he was giving her a protective glance or checking to see how she was. But today he really pissed her off. “Stop looking at me, Malfoy.”_ _

__She heard his scoff and he turned his back to her. “Don’t flatter yourself.”_ _

__Elizabeth wasn’t looking at him at all. “Do you think I can't feel when your eyes are on me? I’ve known that feeling since we were six. I’m a big girl now, haven’t needed you in a long time.” There was silence again, and Elizabeth was pretty sure she had struck a nerve. Draco had always tried to be the protective one over her. Even though it had only been verbalized a handful of times, they had grown up just assuming they’d marry each other. In a childhood sweetheart type way, but they had never gotten past the sweethearts part; once hormones kicked in Draco had already dropped her long before that._ _

__And maybe now he regretted it. With his whole life up in the air he looked at Elizabeth, across the room from him and thought about what he smelled in his amortentia. If she hadn’t gone and befriended the fucking Weasley’s, they likely would have been the most popular couple at Hogwarts. They would be on track to being one of the best pure blood couples of their time, just like it was always supposed to be. But Draco didn’t say anything, he just turned back around and continued cleaning._ _

__But apparently, Elizabeth wasn’t done. “You know, it’s funny because even on their worst days, if any of my friends say something mean about you, it’s usually true. Or in tune with who you are as a person. And still... after all these years I get angry at _them_. I still believe that you are the person I grew up with. I miss that boy.” She swallowed hard and continued tending to her task. “Even after all of the horrible things you’ve said to me, I still hope that he’ll come back to me.”_ _

__Draco was so glad he wasn’t facing her right now. Elizabeth could always see through him and right now she would see the sadness on his face. He wanted nothing more than to go to her right now and scoop her up in his arms and tell her that if he could take it all back, that he would. But he was on a different path now. A path that led only to destruction, betrayal, and most likely an early grave. Draco loved his family, but he loved Elizabeth too. And the only way to keep her from trying to save him was to keep her as far away as possible.”Well, I’d stop hoping if I were you. You always were too sappy for Slytherin.” Draco set his cauldron down and moved towards the door. “Tell Slughorn I’ll come back tomorrow night and finish cleaning. I’ve got more important things to attend to than this rubbish.”_ _

__

__When Elizabeth got to the nursing wing, she could see Harry looking concerned. Lavender Brown ran down the stairs hysterically crying and Elizabeth knew that couldn’t be a good sign. She managed to make eye contact with Harry and he casually left the group that consisted of Dumbledore, Snape, and McGonagall and pulled Elizabeth aside._ _

__“What’s going on?” Elizabeth asked with concern and Harry pulled her further out of listening range._ _

__“Ron was given a love potion and when I went to Slughorn to see if he could reverse it, he gave Ron something to calm down and it was poisoned. I saved him with a bezoar. Slughorn just said he intended to give it to Dumbledore as a Christmas present. I swear it was Malfoy- first Katie and now this!?”_ _

__Elizabeth’s stomach knotted up and her fists went into balls at her sides. However, she knew Harry and if she showed any sort of sign that she had her own suspicions about Malfoy he’d interrogate her about them. And likely bring her to Dumbledore. If her parents found out she was playing a side in this brewing war, she’d be sent away without question. “Don’t accuse so quickly, Harry. We need to be smart about this. If Malfoy is behind this let me see what I can piece together. I’m sure Slytherin is buzzing right now. I’ll meet up with you guys at dinner.”_ _

__Elizabeth quickly made her way back to the dungeons, and she was absolutely fuming. Her peers could see her anger and they all moved out of the way as she climbed the stairs to the boys dorm. The Slytherin common room was buzzing alright, Elizabeth Roland was going to beat the ever living shit out of Draco Malfoy. She burst through the door to Malfoys dorm room and caught sight of him and Goyle in conversation._ _

__“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Roland?” Malfoy spat and reached for his wand._ _

__“Get out Goyle,” she warned the clueless oaf and he went to reply with some snarky remark but she cut him off. “I swear- remember when we were ten and I had you dangling from a tree branch for taking my dolly? I’ve learned a lot since then.” Goyle just gave Malfoy an apologetic shrug and scurried past her. Now it was just her and Malfoy, wands raised at each other._ _

__“Are you out of your bloody mind?!” Draco spat, but Elizabeth held her ground._ _

__“Muffilato,” she cast it and then aimed her wand straight at Draco. “Expelliarmus!” And she got his wand from him, then she threw her own wand aside and shoved him, hard. “Tell me it wasn’t you!! For fucks sake, Draco! You are so bloody stupid if you don’t think everyone is catching on!!!” She shoved him again for good measure and the look of surprise on his face was sincere._ _

__“What the fuck are you going on about?!” Draco was playing stupid and reached out to grab her arms. As strong as she was, he was still stronger. “Get out of here and forget about this before you leave me no choice but to hurt you.”_ _

__“Fuck off Draco! I’ve known you your whole life. This isn’t you! You play a mean face but this isn’t you at all!” Elizabeth was trying to break free of his hold. Instead she stomped on his foot and he cursed, letting her hands go out of sheer surprise._ _

__This time she grabbed Draco’s arm and lifted his left arm sleeve up. When she saw the dark mark on his arm, she immediately let go of him and backed up. They looked at each other and Draco quickly put his sleeve back down like she had found out his secret. Lizzy couldn’t explain the pit in her stomach, like she was watching the boy in front of her being swallowed up by darkness day by day. It had all been true. Every last horrible feeling. “Please, stop whatever this is. People are getting hurt.”_ _

__Draco looked at her and he softened a bit. For as mean as he had been to her, he didn’t mean most of it. It hurt him to say those things to her. But as was true for most pureblood wizarding families, Draco had to save face. He had never wanted it to come to this, though. Especially not with Lizzy. “I can’t. Right now, I need you to leave me alone and stay away from me.”_ _

__She looked at him with desperation. Until they were thirteen, Elizabeth thought Draco would always be in her life. Their love was always constant, not ever as a romance necessarily, but they always had each other’s backs. Even for as harsh as he had been to her, she knew he could’ve done a lot worse. Elizabeth stepped towards him, making eye contact. “Morning dew, mahogany, apple, and your stupid expensive French cologne. That’s what I really smelled in my amortentia. It’s not supposed to be like this, Draco. It’s supposed to be you and me.”_ _

__Draco looked heartbroken as Elizabeth was just inches away from him. He grabbed her cheeks softly and rested his forehead against hers, completely surprised that she let him. “Roses in bloom in June, cinnamon scones, lavender tea, and the coldest night of the year right before it snows.” He barely whispered it, pressing his lips gently to Elizabeth’s. “All I’ve wanted, Lizzy. All I’ve wanted since I can remember.”_ _

__She almost wanted to cry. Almost, but it took a lot to get Elizabeth to that point. Her mind didn’t even think about Fred, about the last two years of her life. Suddenly she was ten and her and Draco were together and picking out silly names for their children and what country they would eventually live in. “Come with me. We can go to the Order. We can just go to my parents, get money, and leave. You and me.” She grabbed Draco’s cheeks back and she could feel him trembling. Maybe she could get through to him. Maybe she could really save him, just this once. Lizzy vowed to never hold it against him. She just wanted him safe and out of harm's way, and for the first time in her life she was willing to admit she’d give it all up to see that._ _

__“He’ll kill my parents, I can’t. I-“ Draco was going to say that he wanted to. That if this had been a year ago he would have listened to her and never looked back. They’d be in another country, scared and excited all at once just like they had always planned. Running away and never looking back. “I really can’t.” Draco let his hands slide from her face and took a step back. Almost as if being near her made it possible for him to somehow hurt her. “Go back to Weasley. Him and his family will keep you safe.”_ _

__Elizabeth took a step back as well and lowered her head. “I suppose now we’re officially on different sides.”_ _

__Draco looked up at her and had concern all over his face. “I would never hurt you. You know that. You _have_ to know that.”_ _

__She scoffed. “No, you‘ll just call me names in front of your friends all the while hiding your real feelings. Kiss me behind closed doors after years of making me think I meant nothing to you. You’re a fucking coward, Draco Lucius Malfoy. Sure, you wouldn’t hurt me with an unforgivable curse, but you’ve already hurt me so many times and you can’t even see it. I guess you did choose the right side after all.” Elizabeth didn’t even give him time to respond before she grabbed her wand off of his bed and left. Draco had never felt this lost or empty before._ _

__And even if he had thought about it multiple times before, for the first time he hoped that he didn’t make it out of this alive. He wasn’t sure death could hurt quite as horribly as this did._ _


	11. though i know i should know better, i can get much worse

“Merlin’s beard, Pans. Can you just give it up already?” For Blaise to interrupt meant that Pansy really must have been going on for too long. “Stop acting like we didn’t all know it would be Lizzy and Draco in the end.” Those words hit her like a ton of bricks and she looked up from the couch in the Slytherin common room to the brunette who was teary eyed and pacing. Lizzy had instantly regretted the moment she said that she and Pansy could talk, as it had turned out to be a thirty minute crying fest; and Lizzy had definitely not shed one tear yet.

“Pansy, I’m _sorry_. Really, I don’t know how many more times I could say it.” And Lizzy meant it, because there was absolutely no legitimate reason for her and Draco to even be together right now. “We never intended on it… I swear.” Pansy knew that her heart had belonged to Fred. Everyone knew it. Not that was she expecting pity for her dead boyfriend, but it was very much irritating that Pansy made everything about her. She thought that after everything that happened in the last year, teenage feelings would be pushed to the side. Apparently not, was it only Lizzy that felt like she suddenly didn’t have time for childish things anymore?

Looking across the room, Draco kept peeking up from his book. Lizzy knew it was for any sort of signal that meant “she needs to stop”. He had objected to this hashing out of feelings, but Lizzy deep down had missed this. Since the battle, she’d had practically no one. Spending time with her Slytherin peers she realized how at one time how close they had been. How maybe when she befriended Ginny, their loyalty felt betrayed. That was a prominent trait of Slytherin, right? Loyalty. Perhaps she had hurt them just as much as they hurt her.

“Pansy, I want us to be friends again. I want you to help me pick out baby outfits and decorate the house. Can you imagine how it’ll be if I don’t have you?” Lizzy pointed out, Pansy sniffling a few times and clearly thinking. 

“I suppose… I suppose you’re right. You’re absolute rubbish with fashion. And god knows what awful wallpaper you would pick for the nursery. Gosh, you’re so lucky to have me, actually. Okay. Okay. Plus, I heard my parents talking about a French gentleman not much older than us… how exciting, right? Oh, we’d have a place to go on holiday in Morocco!” As if the clouds had parted and the sun shone down, Pansy had gone off on her own thoughts and Lizzy just spent the next fifteen minutes nodding and ‘oooohhhhhing’ at everything she said. 

After everyone had gone to bed, Lizzy laid on the couch with Draco sitting at her feet. She was reading her charms book, but glancing over at him every few minutes. She couldn’t help but wonder what was going on in his head. Tomorrow they would travel to Malfoy Manor and drop the news on his parents. They were still undecided if traveling to her own parents home was safe. Since the threats of home arrest or banishment were always on the table, Draco had suggested inviting them to the manor instead to tell them. Draco was changing the entire course of his life for her, after years of radio silence. Lizzy knew the reason why, she didn’t have to ask. The same reason she had begged him to leave with her in the middle of their sixth year. The same reason she told him her secret without hesitation and agreed to his slightly insane plan. 

They both knew. It didn’t need to be said out loud.

Their parents took the news rather indifferently. Narcissa Malfoy and Antonia Roland were, however, appropriately excited. Just as Draco had said, the mothers were giddy, Lloyd Roland was indifferent, and Lucius Malfoy was distraught. Lizzy felt like the news of a child brought out happiness in her parents that she hadn’t seen in a long time. However, with the families knowing, Lizzy knew it was only time before the news spread and she was worried what would happen when the Weasley’s found out.

Two days before they were scheduled to return to Hogwarts, an owl came with a letter from Gringotts for Elizabeth. When she opened the parchment she began tearing up. Draco asked what was wrong and she told him.

“Not wrong. Jude… he left all of his inheritance to me. They deposited the other amount into my account. He… he was the last Roland male so it’s quite a substantial amount.” Elizabeth turned the parchment to Draco whose eyes widened. Draco and Elizabeth had always had access to money, that had never been an issue. But for childish things. When it came to being an adult with a child, needing a place to live, food, living expenses… that’s where she worried. Draco’s own inheritance was up in the air. Lucius was currently fighting with Gringotts over ruined and stolen property that had turned up in the Manor. It wasn’t likely that the Malfoy’s would ever go broke, but in the meantime Draco was trying to be responsible.

Draco leaned over to look at the parchment again and turned to Liz. “You know, that’s enough to probably do what we always said we wanted to. It’s enough to go and never look back.”

Liz looked at him and smiled. “I know.” She continued to look at the paper, her own thoughts racing as she thought about when Jude did this. What he was thinking. Why he had done it. “I think I’d actually like to stay. I’m so tired of leaving things behind.” 

Draco could see the sadness in her eyes, and he knew what she was talking about. The people, the places, the memories that were gone and stolen were permanent. The damage had long been done and if he had learned anything from his weekend restoration at Hogwarts, it was that it felt good to rebuild. He had contributed to the destruction, but at least he was able to mend the patches where he could. 

The little old lady who owned the cottage was more than happy to sell it to Draco and Lizzy when they offered her double what it was worth. On their first weekend back after break, Blaise, Theo, Goyle, Pansy, and Daphne all came over to help them empty it out and bring in some furniture. For once, Lizzy didn’t mind the cringes every time they pulled something aside to reveal something even older beneath it or behind it. It became almost a game and Pansy only lasted a few hours before she had to go back to the dorms to wash up.

At last their friends had left after a half assed dinner thrown together and helping them all day. Draco sat with a cup of wine in his hand at their small little dining table and looked around. Lizzy watched him, the sleeves of his jumper rolled up and she couldn’t help but look at the tattoo on his left arm. It was partially fading, but no one knew if it was going to go away for good. “I can feel you staring,” Draco said it, not bothering to look over at Lizzy. 

It had always been the opposite; her feeling Draco’s eyes on her from across the room. She felt like maybe she had been caught doing something meddlesome and she darted her eyes away. Something inside of her said to tell him thank you. That if he hadn’t been next to her for the last few months she wasn’t sure what she would’ve done. But she also still felt so angry, so betrayed. It was as if she was at war with herself. Lizzy just couldn’t tell if she was still mad at Draco, or if she was mad at herself. 

Still, Draco stood up and tucked his chair in under the table. They had set up a bed in the third smaller room downstairs for “guests”, but it was really Draco’s bed. Lizzy didn’t like the idea of being on two different floors at night, but she also wasn’t sure she felt like inviting him into her bed sent an appropriate message. 

Because her dreams of Fred and George had stopped almost completely when she began sleeping on the common room couch with Draco. If they started back up, Lizzy knew she would most likely be a zombie from exhaustion. And then she would have to explain everything to Draco. She had to explain it to him eventually, but for some reasons she was trying to hold that off as long as possible. The idea of him knowing what she had done worried her that his idea of her might change. And right now he was the only person she actually had.

“Are you going to bed?” She asked, standing up herself. “I’ll grab you linens, I don’t think I made up the bed in the back.” Lizzy knew all of these domesticated chores from being holed up at the Burrow for literal years. She also knew that Draco probably couldn’t make a bed if his life depended on it. Draco thanked her and she met him in the back bedroom. She tried to not be nosy when she made the bed but she noticed a bunch of books scattered around. All about old blood magic and wards. “What’s all these?” She tucked a quilt into the corner and Draco took a second to think before replying.

“I was looking into putting wards on the house. I know you don’t feel one hundred percent safe, so I wanted to try and make you feel better.” Draco shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal. And really, it wasn’t. He would do it for himself as well, it was just smart. “It doesn’t look like blood magic is the way to go. Since the baby and the person I believe you want to keep out share blood. But there’s a few other options.”

Lizzy gave a small smile as she finished up his bed and moved towards him, giving him a hug. He was so tense against her at first, he didn’t know how to react. “Thank you, for making me feel safe.” She said it and Draco finally relaxed and put his arms around her. He missed her so much over the years and he didn’t want to mess up the chance to actually keep her this time. It didn’t mean that he wouldn’t do what was necessary, but his intentions were to not push her away unless he had to.

It only took four nights of Lizzy going to sleep in her room but waking up on the couch downstairs for Draco to follow her upstairs the fifth night and take his shirt off as if he was going to climb into bed with her.

“Draco, it’s fine you don’t have to. I’m okay.” 

“I’m not asking if it’s okay.” He said it with a serious look and pulled the floral quilt down, sliding underneath it. Lizzy knew that meant he wouldn’t budge on it. She wondered if she had been talking in her sleep, because she was sure every night Draco wouldn’t go to sleep until he knew she was. 

Winter got cold, but her and Draco had always loved winter best of all. It was quiet and they could go outside and see the stars more clearly. Draco had gotten Elizabeth into constellations mostly because he had been curious about his name and had no one else to share that knowledge with. 

Her stomach grew and so did her desire to not have to be so active. Classes were getting more intense but she was being granted the opportunity to take the NEWTS early. Elizabeth was studying as much as she could, and Draco was being supportive at home with helping out as much as he could. He had even learned how to cook minimal meals. 

They had managed to not go to Diagon Alley since the start of the school year, Draco didn’t want her to have to walk by the Weasley’s shop. Everything that was necessary they could get in Hogsmeade. Despite their wealthy upbringing, they had been rather humble when it came to their small cottage. Draco had learned a bunch of repairing spells while Elizabeth seemed to take to painting. She had painted the nursery first, then the kitchen. Now she was working on the back room that they had agreed to turn into a small study. She wanted Draco to sleep in her room, she never felt safe without him there. So one afternoon while he was in classes she moved all of his items upstairs. She didn’t think it was fair that he had to keep going up and down the stairs. They never spoke of it, they just slept in the same bed every night.

Liz was standing in the back room with her eyes squinted. She had painted four different shades of green on the wall and was focusing on which one she liked best. Draco was sitting on the bed with a bunch of study guides he had made for their NEWTS. Since Liz was going first, he had been quizzing her the entire day. 

“Ingredients for antidote for common poisons... Merlin, why are these questions so easy?” 

“Mistletoe berries, bezoar, and unicorn horn. I’m not sure, do you like the lighter shades of green? It might make the room look bigger.”

“Liz, why are you taking potions at the NEWT level? You hated potions when we started school.”

Liz didn’t react to his question. She didn’t want to say because it was one of the few times she could watch him at school where he would be so focused he wouldn’t notice, but she shrugged. “It grew on me, I guess.” 

Her answer must have been sufficient because he shook his head. “I really hope the questions are this easy when I take it. I’ll have no issue getting top marks.”

Liz finally turned around and looked at Draco. “You’re going to get top marks in potions no matter what. I can’t figure out why you decided to go for Transfiguration. It’s like you enjoy torture, I swear.” 

Draco smiled, she wasn’t exactly wrong. “I had to keep my year somewhat interesting. I wouldn’t have done it if I knew you were coming along.” Lizzy just shook her head and took the paint brush she liked with the colour green she decided was the best option and painted over the other swatches. “Speaking of, after you went to bed last night I warded the house again.”

Draco got up to stand next to Lizzy and pulled a gold ring out of his pocket, casually handing it to her. “Draco, what is this?” She said it low, because she knew what it looked like. It was a ring with a large gemstone on it. 

“It’s a ring. You put it on your finger, it looks nice,” Lizzy was not in the mood for his sarcasm right now and he rolled his eyes. “Relax, you do have to wear it on your ring finger but I figured until I have to actually make an honest woman of you, this will keep people from talking. However, I charmed it. The gemstone is emerald now, but if there is danger nearby, it will turn red.” Lizzy held out her hand reluctantly and Draco slid the ring on her finger. “One day we will do this and it will be for real.” He said it softly, and Lizzy looked down at the ring. It wouldn’t have been her first choice, but it was beautiful nonetheless. “I fully intend on giving you my grandmother’s onyx ring, but I didn’t want to scare you.”

If ten year old Lizzy had been here she would have been screaming at present day Lizzy to kiss Draco. To allow him to put his arms around her and envelop her in that safe feeling only he had ever provided her. But she wasn’t a child anymore, and they had an arrangement. “Thank you,” Lizzy said it as she continued to stare at the ring. “Wait, Draco…” She tilted her head and held her hand up. “Why is it turning red!?”

Draco reached over for his wand, putting his finger over his lips to show her to be quiet. “Go upstairs,” He mouthed. She knew their bedroom had the heaviest wards and he followed her to the stairs until he saw her go into the bedroom and close and lock the door. Draco stood at the bottom of the stairs, his hand clutched to his wand. 

There was a knock on the door.


	12. is it just part of the process? but jesus christ, it hurts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Mature Warning ahead: mention of sexual abuse *

Draco’s hand was firmly on his wand as he reached for the doorknob. At this point in his life it took a good deal to make him nervous; and even more to make him afraid. Anyone looking to cause any type of harm to Liz didn’t scare him -- it made him furious. At least all of the dark arts he had learned during his time as a Death Eater meant that he knew he could keep Liz safe. But even that didn’t help his sinking feeling that he knew exactly who was behind that door.

When he opened it to the tall, freckled redhead on the other side only a few inches taller than him he promised to never doubt his intuition again.

“So, it’s true then.” George Weasley stood outside of their front door looking somewhere between heartbroken and infuriated. A weird place to be considering Liz had never dated him, nor shown him any other interest than that of a brother or close friend.

Draco relaxed, he had never really been intimidated by George. And his sole issue with Fred had been that Lizzy had been his instead of Draco’s. It didn’t put too much blame on the man, Draco blamed mostly himself for being an insufferable, naive twit. “Do you need something, Weasley?” It was uncanny the way the Malfoy attitude just came out of his mouth. 

“Yes, I want to speak to Elizabeth.”

“Then it’s a shame you came all the way here.” Draco stood taller in the doorway, leaning one of his arms on the other side of the door frame casually. “She’s at the Manor with my mum. They’re going to buy a crib and a rocking chair for the baby.” He couldn’t help that he needed to rub that in. Sure, the baby might have been biologically George’s, but Draco had vowed to never tell another soul. He would raise that baby as if it were his. “I suppose you’re here because you heard we’re expecting? Did you just want confirmation or did you come to share your best wishes?”

George looked at Draco like he was examining him. Draco just stared back. George had to know that Draco was onto him. But maybe George thought Draco knew about whatever happened between him and Liz. Draco didn’t, but he’d never let George believe differently. “I don’t know what you did to her, Malfoy… how you convinced her to be with you after all those years of bullying her-”

“I don’t know why _you_ think it’s any of your concern, George. Last I remember she had been dating your brother and not you. You sound like a jealous ex boyfriend. Believe me, I’d know.” Draco and him eyed each other and George looked like he wanted to punch Draco in his face. Part of Draco wanted him to. It’d give him a legitimate reason to have him writhing on the floor, at least.

“You’ll fuck her over yet, Malfoy. You always do.”

“And yet you’re the one standing at the threshold of our home demanding to see my future wife. Perhaps I’m not the one that needs to reanalyze my choices so far.” Draco took a step back into the house and put his hand on the edge of the door. “If that’s all then, I suggest you don’t come back here. Next time you might lose a body part when you walk up the porch steps.” Not bothering to hear a response, Draco closed the door, locking it quickly with his wand. He stood there just in case until he could see the outline of the man walk down the path to the road and reach the main road.

“Lizzy, it’s okay. He’s gone!” Draco called up the stairs, but he didn’t hear a response. Not even footsteps. This worried him and he climbed the stairs and opened the bedroom to see Lizzy curled in a chair in the farthest corner of the room physically shaking. “Liz, merlin. Lizzy, it’s alright. He’s gone. I promise, he’s gone.” Draco cautiously approached her, as her wand was so tight in her hand it looked like her whole hand had turned white from the grip. He got on his knees, in front of the chair, slowly reaching out to her hands. She let him take the wand from her and he held her hands. “I promise I will never, _ever_ let him hurt you. I will never let him near you. Or that baby. _Our_ baby, okay?”

Lizzy looked at him and she started to cry. He grabbed her out of the pure instinct to comfort her and pulled her to him. Draco couldn’t help it, he couldn’t see her this way. She sobbed into his chest, and they sat like that for a long time. So long, the sun had begun to set in the west facing window in the bedroom. Draco just rubbed her back, unsure of what to do or say. But he had a feeling that him just being there was enough for now. When she finally lifted her head up, Draco lifted his hands to wipe the tears from her cheeks. “I hate seeing you like this.” He admitted. 

Lizzy stopped to recompose herself. She took the sleeve of her jumper and wiped her own face, now redder than Draco had ever seen it. “In August, right before school they had a family memorial for Fred. Family members from all over the country came. I hadn’t been back to the Burrow since right after the battle. The funeral. I went home for the summer, mum was livid and paranoid and didn’t want me to leave. I didn’t want to leave, anyway. I just laid in bed and cried all day.” Lizzy shook her head, with a roll of her eyes like she was pathetic. “I should have just stayed home. But how would the Weasley’s feel, who had been _so good_ to me if I didn’t show up?” Lizzy was looking at him almost like she wanted an answer but he knew she was just trying to explain.

“The first day was so hard. Being there and knowing he wasn’t…” Lizzy shook her head again. “So I drank. I drank with George. We wound up on the side of the house and eventually we both just started crying. He understood how I felt. He lost him, too. The next thing I knew we were up against the house and one thing led to another.” Taking a deep breath, she swallowed hard. “The next day we both felt so guilty about it. We both kept apologizing, it was stupid. It wouldn’t happen again. But it did. Five minutes later. I don’t know what it was, it was like being with Fred, but there was so much… I just thought being with someone would make me feel better. That second time, though. It was different. I can’t explain it, he was enjoying it far too much for it to just be… I don’t know what it was? Maybe I thought we were both just lonely and could help each other. But he was… _enjoying_ it. It freaked me out.”

Draco wasn’t happy with the way this story was going. He couldn’t imagine anyone else touching her, even with her permission, without getting furious. “I told him right after that I couldn’t do it again. That it was confusing and not fair to Fred’s memory. He got mad and stormed out of the room and ignored me the rest of the day. I didn’t think anything of it, he lost his brother. None of us were thinking properly.” Liz looked at him and grabbed his hands. “The next day he cornered me. He was sweet at first, acting normal. But when he reached out to try and grab me I got mad. He got mad.” Her eyes filled with tears. “I didn’t want to, Draco. I really didn’t. But then did I send the wrong message for doing it the last two times?” Her eyes were desperate, Draco knew if he saw George any time soon he wouldn’t be able to help himself. He’d break his legs first, then his arms. “He kept saying things. Like _this is how it should’ve been_ and _Freddie was always more aggressive at getting what he wanted, huh?_ and I couldn’t even cry, I was just so numb by then.”

“It wasn’t until I apparated home that I realized I wasn’t on contraception potions since… why would I need to be?” Lizzy ran her hands through her hair. “But how… how do you process that? How do I forgive myself for giving myself to him?”

“Lizzy, listen to me.” Draco grabbed her hands hard. “You did absolutely nothing wrong. You made a choice, you’re allowed to do that. And then you changed your mind. He took advantage of you. _He_ is an absolute piece of shite and I’m going to make sure he is never in your presence again. I can’t lie, if I see him I don’t know what I’ll do. The idea that he put his filthy hands on you like that, I could kill him.” Draco had his teeth clenched but he meant every word of it. He didn’t know if he could control himself now with this information. 

“You can’t hurt him. I need you.” Lizzy reached out to grab his cheeks. “Draco, _I need you_. Over the last few months… I’ve felt so guilty for so many things. But, you remember sixth year. Maybe this _is_ how it’s supposed to be. It’s supposed to be you and me, it was always supposed to be you and me.”

Draco took a deep breath. He didn’t know how bad he needed her to say that out loud. How he felt like he’d never be able to look at her without hurting because she wasn’t his. “It’s all I’ve wanted. When you walked out of my dorm that day…” Draco could hardly get the words out. “I thought you were safe. I thought you would live a wonderful life, be happy, and I honestly hoped I would die. That someone would kill me. When I saw Fred… and you on your knees in the Great Hall. Lizzy, I would’ve traded places with him in a second if it meant you got your happy ending.” 

“I have always loved you, Draco. That never stopped. I just loved him more.” It was the truth, there had never been a time when she hated Draco. He was such a huge part of her life for so long, she could never shut him out for good. “But you have to be my happy ending, Draco. There’s a reason it turned out like this. A reason you still see right through me, grab my hand when I’m upset, make me tea when I can’t fall asleep. I have always needed you. Nobody knows me like you do. Fred didn’t even know me like you do.”

Draco got cocky, giving a short laugh. “I don’t do those things for anyone, you know.” But he leaned forward, gently kissing her on the lips. Only for a second, he didn’t want to push her too far. “It’s supposed to be you and me. We move at your pace, though. All feelings aside, I am keeping you and our baby safe before anything else. Because as far as I’m concerned, with all of our history, that should’ve been my baby.”

Lizzy smiled, she could remember all the times they spoke of their parents and how they were going to be so much better than them. Draco said he’d let them go to bed without brushing their teeth, Lizzy said she would let them decorate their room however they wanted. And she agreed with him, this should have been his baby. 

She was sure they would get it right, though.


	13. and i'm damned if i do, and i'm damned if i don't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * mature content 18+ *

Draco kept his distance from Lizzy mostly because he didn’t want to scare her. They had confessed a lot that night that George showed up at their front door. Her due date was approaching, they were awaiting their NEWT results, and on top of that now Draco was trying to think about what he was going to do after Hogwarts. 

But as always, things got thrown into motion before they ever had time to catch up. Lizzy went into labour earlier than expected. Although labour felt like a year to Lizzy, Draco felt like he blinked and there was not one, but two baby girls now in their lives.

Maybe that had been karma for threatening the redhead on their front steps.

Both Antonia and Narcissa insisted on taking turns sleeping in the guest room for the first few weeks to help them out. Draco couldn’t remember a time he had been more exhausted, and since Lizzy was their primary source of food, he couldn’t imagine how she felt. 

But everyone got fed up when the first week went by and neither girl had a name. 

The two of them stared down into the bassinet to the twin girls, who only slept if they were together. Lizzy was already worried about this bond; she had seen what it did to George when Fred passed. But she guessed that they had always been together since before being born, it made sense they wanted to be near each other. Draco was by her side, his hands casually in his pockets as he watched the babies too. “You know,” he said low enough so their mothers wouldn’t hear, “You can choose the names. It’s not like I’m-”

“Don’t say it, Draco.” Lizzy looked up at him. She was completely serious, and it sort of intimidated Draco. “Don’t ever speak those words. They are your daughters. Forget I ever told you that night in the astronomy tower. I know it’s odd for you, you didn’t carry them for nine months. They aren’t… a part of you. But I would die for them. Without hesitation. If you love me, if you never stopped like you claim, you’ll love them the same way.” 

Draco stopped, a bit taken aback by her words. He could tell that motherhood had an immediate effect on her, and he thought about the lengths to which his own mother went to protect him. “Well, then if I recall we decided on our children’s names when we were ten.” Draco announced, reaching a hand over to push a blanket away from one of the girls faces.

“Oh no, we are _not_ going with those.” Lizzy laughed, she linked an arm through Draco’s and rested her head on his shoulder. She could feel him tense for a second before relaxing, a smile on his face when she looked up at him.

“I think the universe was quite fair, here. You get one to name, I get one to name.” 

“This is a dangerous game; giving you full creative control over a child's name.” 

“Well, one of them needs to have a proper Malfoy name. Knowing you this one’ll be named Daisy or Sunflower.” Draco snickered and lifted the baby’s dress closest to him. “This freckle on her knee. And here,” He pointed to her foot. “She needs a Black name. Something from the sky.”

Lizzy looked at the baby closer to her. “They both need Black names. I like Atlas. Attie for short.”

Draco raised his eyebrows, impressed with Lizzy’s choice. “Here I really thought you were going to give me some traditional, boring English name I’d have to spice up.” Of course he was making a dig at Elizabeth, an old family name. “Alright, Alasia for our freckle footed female. Allie or Sia for a nickname?”

“Attie and Sia Malfoy, our daughters. Merlin, I’m already dreading the owl letters from Hogwarts and they’re only a week old.” 

Draco wasn’t more worried if they’d actually be mischievous like Fred and George, or inherit the attitude of the wealthy pureblood families they were going to be raised around. “I think we should try and keep them away from our parents' lifestyles as long as possible. Give them the childhood we wanted.”

“We need to be loving, and nurturing. We should stay here, in this cottage. Raise them in Hogsmeade, away from London and all the other places our parents took us just to show off we had the best robes and toys.”

“Merlin, next you’re going to ask for a cow.” Draco rolled his eyes, a joking tone in his voice, “I draw the line at indoor animals.” 

Lizzy laughed, and grabbed his hand that was closest to hers. “But darling, I’ve always wanted a cat.”

Lizzy had always “belonged” to Draco. Their entire childhood, Draco was the one person she could count on; sometimes more than her own family members. This remained true until their falling out, and now Draco was more than making up for it. Tending the babies wasn’t his greatest strength, so he mostly found himself doing chores like laundry and cooking. And by cooking, he often just paid the cooks at three broomsticks to deliver them food. 

What got him the most, was the flutter in his chest any time he looked at one of the girls. His first reaction to them was actual resistance. Their existence had caused Lizzy so much pain. But the more he thought about it, the more he knew that in his heart all he had ever wanted was to be with Lizzy and have a family. From the turmoil of the last few years, at least they got to resume a somewhat normal life. Not appreciating it could be the most selfish act he could’ve ever done. 

As their eighth week of life quickly approached, so did the end of the school year. After taking their NEWTS, they both thought that maybe they would have felt a sense of completion, but to Draco, he felt more lost than ever. Now he had a family to provide for, and no direction for the future. And that was all he really wanted; was to take care of all three of his girls.

One late night, their mothers insisted on staying with the girls so that Draco and Lizzy could get some sleep -- Draco and Lizzy laid in bed, mostly just staring at each other. Lizzy laughed first, Draco smiling immediately after her. “You look worried,” Lizzy admitted, a hand coming out to gently stroke his cheek with her hand. 

Draco’s own hand came up to grab hers, kissing her palm softly. “I am.” He had never been good at emotions, at letting other people know about the chaos inside of his head. “We’ve finished school. I always… well, I never thought I would get this far.” Lizzy looked concerned, and he knew why. 

“But you always wanted to go on and have a career, unlike your father. I can handle being home with the babies. Our mum's would probably move in if we offered…” Lizzy laughed and Draco just stared at her. He loved watching her smile, laugh, enjoy things. Especially after she had been through so much in the last few years. 

Sighing, Draco kept Lizzy’s hand in his, using it to pull her closer to him. He put an arm around her waist and laid his head underneath her neck. His platinum blonde hair was all she could see if she looked down. And all she could smell was his ridiculously overpriced cologne. She couldn’t remember the last time they had been this close to each other. _If_ they had ever even gotten a chance to. She liked it, though. Lizzy ran her hand through his hair, appreciating his soft sighs and exhales as she did it.

“I wanted to be a healer,” Draco finally confessed, nuzzling himself into her neck more. He loved that she always smelled like roses and lavender. Always warm to him, the one place he felt he never needed to put on the Malfoy facade. “I don’t think the Ministry will ever let me near the Defence Against the Dark Arts NEWT.” 

“That’s absolute rubbish, you should talk to McGonagall about that. You only want to take it to help people.” Lizzy huffed, her chest rising and falling with Draco’s head on it. Draco was so comfortable that he didn’t take the time to realize his body’s response to being tangled up with Liz in bed. It wasn’t until Lizzy felt his hardness against her thigh that she shifted slightly, “Um, Draco…”

Draco looked up at her with confusion. He was mostly just relaxed, thinking about what to do about his future.

“You’re poking me,” Lizzy said it with a bit of a smirk, her eyes darting down. Draco’s cheeks turned more red than Lizzy had ever seen in her life and he pushed away from her so fast. He was legitimately embarrassed, and also even more worried that it would put distance between them. 

“Shite, I’m sorry Lizzy, I didn’t even notice. I was think-” Lizzy leaned forward to kiss him. She grabbed his face as the kiss deepened and Draco reached over to pull her against his body once more. Lizzy moaned as she felt his erection against her again, and this time she reached down, rubbing it over the fabric of his pants. “Fuck,” Draco mumbled it against her lips. He didn’t know how many times he had dreamed of this. How many times it had been Pansy’s hands on him and he wished and imagined it was Lizzy.

Lizzy had always thought Draco would be the first man she’d be with. That he would likely mock her for being inexperienced because that’s how he was, though she would’ve known he was equally naive. But now, she was in front of him with plenty of knowledge on how to make him writhe in the palm of her hands and that’s exactly what he was doing. When she stopped moving her hand on him, he thrust himself back into her hand. Always spoiled, trying to take whatever he wanted with no regards to the other person. Lizzy knew he wasn’t like that anymore, but it was nice to have him wanting more from her for once.

She still said nothing as she climbed on him, straddling him with her hips. Draco looked like he was in absolute heaven; Lizzy could see the daze she had him in and she was certain that he had never looked at her, or anyone that way before. Locking eyes with him, Lizzy began to rub her body on him, his hardness hitting exactly the spot where she needed. She was sure that Draco wasn’t breathing as he reached out to move his hands up her sides, taking his time with feeling every inch of skin that he could. 

The act wasn’t even that intimate, but Draco had to stop thinking about it or he would come in minutes. There were layers of fabric between them, but he was sure no other sexual act he had participated in had felt this good. He was really getting into it, his hands grasping firmly on Lizzy’s hips before she came to an abrupt stop. It was like a slap back to reality and his eyes widened in a state between torture and one of the most beautiful sights he had ever seen.

Lizzy’s face was now inches from his waist, and she slowly worked to get his pants down to get to what she wanted. “Lizzy, you don’t have to- _fuuuuuuck_ ,” Draco’s moan was loud and he put his arm over his mouth to shut himself up. Lizzy took him into her mouth, only hoping that the techniques she used with Fred would be pleasurable for him as well. As she worked on him with her mouth and hands, Draco knew he wouldn't be able to last more than a few minutes from his lack of stamina building activities and the fact this was all he had ever wanted.

Draco tried to push her away from him, grab her face or something, but she swatted his hands away from her and continued. “Bloody hell, Lizzy I’m going to come… fuck, Lizzy- _fuck, yes. fuck!_ ” Draco gripped the sheets under him as he released in her mouth. The bloody brilliant woman she was, she took it all, watching as Draco’s eyes practically rolled back in his head.

He was sure he had died and gone to heaven -- none of what just happened could have been real. But when he opened his eyes Lizzy was laying next to him with a proud smirk on her face. Draco could barely move, every ounce of his body was on fire with the pleasurable aftershock of his orgasm. “Fucking Merlin, Liz.” He managed to breathe out. He was so tired, and Lizzy could see him nodding off.

“Let’s sleep,” She curled up next to him, his arm moving over her to pull her as close as possible. It didn’t take long for both of them to drift off into much needed rest. Draco didn’t have to dream of Lizzy being his; he finally knew she was and he was never going to let go of her.


	14. And I’m ready to suffer and I’m ready to hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *warning 18 + mature content in this chapter *

“Lizzy! Sia’s holding her head up, quick!” Draco yelled into the kitchen as both of the infant’s were on their stomach’s in front of him. Lizzy rushed in with a dish towel still in her hand and smiled wide. “That a girl, Sia, look how strong you are.” Every day, Draco felt more and more like an actual father and less like the shadow of someone playing house with his childhood love. 

The girls adored him. Probably because he was still convinced he would never know what he was doing, and if he did it was likely he wouldn’t do it right. But as soon as they started smiling, no one could quite get them going like Draco as they reached for his pointed chin and platinum hair. He didn’t think he could fall more in love with Lizzy, but it seemed like every day she amazed him and learned something new about her. The girl he knew growing up who had been pampered and a bit prissy was gone; Lizzy was skilled at being a mother and a homemaker, probably because of her years under Molly Weasley’s roof.

Domestic life suited them; though it disgusted their parents. Draco and Lizzy didn’t think they would make it this long in a small cottage in Hogsmeade, but every time they spoke of possibly relocating, they came up with plenty of reasons to stay put. The biggest reason came as a surprise when Minerva McGonagall showed up at their front door one June evening.

The no nonsense attitude of Headmistress McGonagall had always intimidated everyone, and now she was sitting in their living room and neither of them had any idea why. Lizzy served her tea, Draco held one of the babies in his lap while the other one laid on the floor chewing on a rattle.

“I don’t think I properly congratulated you on the birth of your daughters. It’s remarkable how much they take after Elizabeth.” Draco just gave a weak smile and nodded. He had forgotten almost months ago that he wasn’t their biological father. “I can’t help but notice that you have stayed in Hogsmeade, are you planning on living here long term?”

“Yes, Professor. We actually really love living here. We think it’s better for the girls to be raised away from the pure blood society we were brought up in.” Lizzy spoke first and took a seat next to Draco, who passed her a baby and picked the other up from the floor. 

“I think that’s a wise decision as well.” McGonagall took a long sip of her tea, eying both of them for a second. “Mr. Malfoy, what do you plan on doing now that you’ve finished your education?”

Draco wasn’t expecting that sort of question, and he sat a little straighter now that the attention was on him. “I honestly don’t know, Professor. My goal before… everything happened, was to be a healer. I know that’s out of the question now.” He had a solemn look on his face as he glanced down at Attie in his lap, who smiled at him and he couldn’t help but smile back.

“Yes, unfortunately that is out of my jurisdiction. However, I do have an opportunity for you at Hogwarts.”

“Hogwarts?”

“I am in need of a Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor. I think you would be a wonderful, experienced candidate.”

Draco’s mouth was hanging wide open, because he was not expecting that to come out of her mouth. “Professor, I couldn’t take the NEWT for the class, how could I teach it?”

McGonagall’s face changed and she set her teacup down on the table. “I have no doubt that you would have passed with flying colors, Draco. The Ministry does not regulate the requirements for Hogwarts teachers. That is my job. Even still, I don’t think Kingsley would have too much of an issue with me appointing you if he had a say.

“You have seen terrible, horrible things, Draco. You spent two years under the most powerful dark wizard our kind has ever seen. If your intentions were true, you would be an excellent teacher. Severus had pointed out your potential years ago, before we knew which way things would go. The fact that you’ve stayed in Hogsmeade, kept your families at a distance, and have done more than required to help the reconstruction of the castle tells me you never had the heart of a Death Eater. And if you love your children, I believe you’d want them to be able to defend themselves if someone like Voldemort ever came to power again.”

McGonagall’s words cut like a knife. Both Lizzy and Draco worried about the future since their own pasts had been so dramatic, but now they had to think about Attie and Sia’s futures as well. Lizzy looked at Draco and gave a small nod. “You would be a brilliant professor, Draco. You could actually teach them things they need to know.” 

Draco swallowed hard, his eyes going from Lizzy to McGonagall. This could be an amazing opportunity and it would be a valid reason for them to stay in Hogsmeade. “Okay, I’ll do it. If I can’t be a healer, I suppose helping the future generation defend themselves is the next best thing.” McGonagall smiles and nodded, and so did Lizzy. 

Lizzy put the girls to bed and Draco and McGonagall discussed the position some more. There hadn’t been a professor that lasted more than a year, but Draco was certain that wouldn’t be the case with him. He actually felt hopeful for once, and like he was again on the right track to being a better person. 

As he got ready for bed, Draco could feel Lizzy’s eyes on him and it worried him. He turned around to look at her, already in bed with the covers over her and raised an eyebrow. “What are you looking at me for?” He said it defensively, looking at himself to make sure his shirt wasn’t on inside out or something equally as silly.

“I’m so proud of you. That’s all.” Lizzy gave him a big smile and Draco got into bed, turning to face her. 

“I wouldn’t be this person if it wasn’t for you.” 

Rolling her eyes, Lizzy shook her head and moved to get comfortable. “I’d like to believe the good person in you would have come out eventually.” Draco reached out to put his arm around her waist. Still, Lizzy wouldn’t stop staring at him.

“Alright, you’re starting to creep me out. Close your eyes or tell me what you want from me!” Draco smirked, making Lizzy laugh.

“I was thinking about why Molly and Arthur had so many kids.”

“Oh, nice. Thinking about your ex boyfriend's parents when you’re in bed with me. _Nice, Roland._ ” It only actually bothered him a little, “I’ll tell you what that was, irresponsibility at it’s finest.”

“I disagree.”

“You disagree?”

“Perhaps it was slightly irresponsible, but it was love. It had to be, to have that many children so close together.” Draco’s eyes squinted, trying to wrap his brain around where she was going with this conversation. “I’m just saying I can see why it happened.”

Draco tried not to smile, he didn’t want to give away the emotions he had as he looked at Lizzy. “Are you trying to tell me something? Do you want another baby?” The girls were a few months old now, and they were a lot. But the idea of them having a child, Lizzy carrying _his_ child, it brought him so much joy.

Lizzy fumbled on her words, her cheeks getting slightly red at his question. “Well, it doesn’t matter, anyway. We have such little space as it is, and you said you weren’t going to have children-“

Draco leaned in to kiss her, pushing her gently onto her back so he was hovering on top of her. “I only said I wouldn’t have children if we split up.” 

Lizzy didn’t say anything, but she spread her legs so Draco had no choice but to situate his body between them. She could see him tense up, she could feel him get hard as well. 

“Fuck, Lizzy. Is this really what you want?” He would never stop second guessing if this was actually real; that he had somehow turned his life around to be where he intended to be when he was a kid. The idea of being intimate with Lizzy, of making love to her actually made him nervous. 

“When I watch you with the girls, I don’t know. It makes my heart so full, and it.. Merlin, it turns me on. It’s sexy that you’re an amazing father. I always wanted a big family, so did you.” As she spoke, she moved her hands down to Draco’s pants, pushing them down so he was exposed. “I want all of it, every stupid idea we had back then. We get to tell our kids how silly we were, but how we made it happen.”

Draco’s eyes never left hers, even as she touched him and his breathing quickened. “I will give you anything you want.” He said it and she bit her bottom lip with a smile. 

“I want you.” She said it simply before Draco leaned down to kiss her hard. 

It didn’t take long before Draco was shoving her pants down and situating himself right at her entrance. “Lizzy…” Draco was hesitant given the story she had told him about her last encounter. But she reached down, and he cursed as she guided him where he needed to be. Once he was inside of her fully, he had to stop and take a breath. They looked at each other and smiled. “I don’t want to hurt you, or make you feel uncomfortable-“

“Draco! Shut up. Stop treating me like I’m fragile and impress me.” Lizzy smirked now, and Draco looked down at her. Really looked down at her, the person he loved more than anything. He thought about every time he had imagined this. Every which way he had wanted her and he thrust his hips hard into her. She yelled. Draco wasn’t sure if it was pleasure or pain, but he would be damned if he didn’t have her screaming by the end of this.

Draco began moving his hips, sure that every time Lizzy bit her lip or gripped his arm he was worried he wouldn’t last. He’d had his share of Slytherin girls, he knew how to please a woman, and there was no woman he had ever wanted to please more than Liz. He kissed her anywhere he could - her neck, her breasts, her stomach. He relished in every sigh and gasp that left her lips.

He had his head buried in her neck as he moved, her hands gently scratching through his hair. “You feel so good,” Liz moaned into his ear and Draco grunted, trying to control himself. He pushed himself up, exiting her and stood at the end of the bed, panting for a second. “What the hell?” Liz opened her eyes, sitting up on her elbows. “Is something wrong?”

Draco shook his head, taking in the sight of Liz naked on their bed. He didn’t say anything, just reached over to grab her by the hips and pulled her to the edge of the bed. He was on her in a second, kissing her neck, down to her breasts, and down her stomach. When she felt his lips on her inner thigh she got goosebumps. “Maybe tomorrow I’ll wake you up like this…” Draco moved to her clit, gently licking it for a minute. 

“ _Fuck, Draco…_ ” Lizzy moaned, her back slightly arching. But as soon as she was settling into it, he was kissing back up her stomach. “You really are a prick, you know that?” She breathed and Draco had a wicked grin on his face.

“Don’t worry, darling. I’ve dreamt too long of seeing you come because of me, there’s no way I’ll be missing out on that tonight.” 

Now on the edge of the bed, Draco entered her again, rougher than before but Liz didn’t mind. He gripped her hips, having much better control now that he was standing. He ravaged her. He had thought about this for so long, he wasn’t going to be gentle about it. And every time he watched her arch her back, grab her own breasts, and grip the blanket underneath her, he knew she was enjoying just as much as he was. 

Draco’s thumb found her clit, and he pressed on it. Her eyes opened wide and she let out something between a moan and a yell. “Draco!” She said it desperately and he leaned down to kiss her as he pressed harder. He could feel her tightening around him, it wasn’t going to be long now. 

He stood up straight again, to take in the sight before him; he watched intently as Liz reached her climax; her back arching all the way up and her legs shaking as she crossed them behind Draco, slightly pushing him further into her. It was gorgeous and Draco knew he wouldn’t last much longer. “Fucking beautiful,” he moaned, giving her a hard kiss when she had settled. “I’m close,” He said it in a desperate breath.

Liz pulled her legs tighter around him and he groaned, feeling himself spilling into her, and still felt like he couldn’t get enough of her. 

He stilled and barely made it to the bed next to her, every fiber of his being felt like it was a spark about to ignite again. Liz turned to him, kissing his cheek and his shoulder. “That was wonderful.” She admitted and he mustered up enough energy to turn and kiss her softly. 

And for the first time in a long time, Draco felt like his life was headed in the right direction.


	15. if I don't let myself be happy now, then when? if not now, when?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *trigger warning: small mention of previous abuse*

Draco had spent the next week at Hogwarts, rifling through Snape’s things to better understand an actual cirriculum for Defence Against the Dark Arts. It felt weird that no matter how hard he tried to escape Hogwarts, he somehow wound up back in its grand presence. Maybe it was his penance for the crimes he committed. To have to walk through the courtyard and be reminded everyday of the power of destruction.

It was the end of his first week that he entered the small cottage and found Liz and the girls in the kitchen. She was attempting to give them some sort of oatmeal mush with milk and even Draco made a face. “I don’t blame you ladies, that doesn’t look very appetizing.” Liz shot him a look and he leaned down to kiss the girls foreheads before he made his way over to Liz and kissed her cheek. 

“How is everything going at the school?” Liz asked as Sia dodged the spoon and Draco laughed. 

“Good. Messy, but I’ve been able to put a lot of it in some sort of order. I might take a trip to the manor this weekend to grab some books from the library.” Draco leaned forward to try and help, trying to coerce Attie into eating. He got half a spoon in before she smacked it away. “I’ve been getting a lot of news, though.”

“Yeah? Any good gossip?”

“Well,” Draco began, rolling his sleeves up and wiped Attie’s face. “Ginny and Potter are engaged. Apparently they are aiming for a spring wedding. Word is Ron and Granger aren’t too far behind. I thought you might like to send Ginny something. You guys were close.” He looked over to Liz who appeared lost in her own thoughts, but she continued to feed Sia.

“Also, George and Angelina Johnson got married in a small ceremony at the Ministry. She’s pregnant. She’s due around Christmas.” This got a reaction from Liz and she scoffed. 

“Guess every Wizarding family in England will have a Weasley child soon.” She furrowed her brows and shook her head. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. The girls are your daughters. They love you so much.” She looked up to Draco with a weak smile.  
“  
It’s okay, you have every right to be upset. I’ve also seen Luna Lovegood sneaking in and out of the greenhouses.” Draco wiggled his eyebrows and Liz’s mouth went wide.

“No! Luna and Longbottom?!” 

“I went down there to ask him about some herbs and he was all flustered and I don’t think it was because I’ve gotten better looking since the last time he saw me.”

“You have definitely gotten better looking since the last time I saw you.” Liz teased, gathering up the bowls in front of them and putting them in the sink.

“Must be the authority figure thing. I was thinking maybe I should just go for it and grow a beard.” Liz laughed, and the girls followed. “What? You both think Daddy would look funny with a beard? I think I’d be quite handsome. Stop smiling at me! You’re both too pretty to be smiling that much, you’ll have me doing anything you want soon enough, huh?” 

Liz let Draco entertain them some more as she made them something for dinner. Soon it was time to put them to bed and Liz was absolutely exhausted by the end of the day. She couldn’t stop thinking about George and Angelina. She wondered if she should reach out to her, to see if she was okay. But what if George had never been like that with her? Maybe it was only Liz that he had taken advantage of, because she let him. 

Her head was spinning when she finally closed the bedroom door and she went over to Draco who was getting undressed. She put her arms around his torso and he looked at her concerned. Liz began unbuttoning his shirt, her hands roaming his chest and abdomen before sliding it down his arms. “Lizzy,” Draco said it softly, tipping her chin so she looked at him “Don’t use me as just an escape. What is it?”

Tears were in her eyes as she moved her hands to his face. “How can you love me when I am this broken?” The words were barely a whisper and Draco’s face sunk. “How do you still look at me like I’m the sun after everything?”

“Fuck, Lizzy. You’re not broken. You’re so far from broken.” He sighed and took her in his arms. “You are so lovely, and warm. So strong, too. Stubborn… merlin, you’re so bloody stubborn. But when I think of loving anyone but you, I can’t do it. I tried. I tried so hard, but you’re it for me, Roland.” Draco gave her soft kisses on her forehead.

“Why did he do it to me? Angelina married him. She wouldn’t have married him if he was doing it to her, right? She has to love him.” Draco hated that she was questioning these things. There was no way in hell she deserved to feel anything but love and happiness. 

“He took advantage of you, Liz. He knew you weren’t at your strongest. It’s not your fault, Lizzy. I promise you. You don’t deserve to feel the way you do.”

Lizzy stopped crying long enough to her to look up at Draco. “I want to stop feeling like this. I want to stop letting these feelings get in my way. I want to just love you and believe I’m worthy of it. I want to marry you and have more babies and yell at you when you make me mad. I want to sit outside on the coldest night in winter and teach our kids the constellations. I want you to put me to bed when I drink too much with Pansy and Daphne, and I want to make love to you on every surface in this fucking house.” Draco laughed when she smiled at the last comment. “I want to know I deserve it, though. I feel like I shouldn’t have that life.” A meek confession from her lips as she stared at the floor.

“I’m not the best with this,” Draco admitted, “But I’m going to try and imagine what Fred would tell you. I bet he’d say something utterly inappropriate, crack a joke, and then make some sort of grand gesture to prove how much he loves you, am I right?” He had gotten more comfortable talking about the Weasley twin, only because he could see how much she missed him. And that he really had treated her right.

“You’re pretty close.” Lizzy looked up to him with a small smile and he leaned down to kiss her.

“Fred would want you to be happy, Liz. Not feel guilty for living. You know that. And I love you, I have loved you forever I think. You have always seen the good in me. How could you not be worthy of love? We will have the life we dreamt of as kids, whatever I have to do to make it happen. I promise.” This time, Draco began unbuckling his belt and sat on the arm chair in the corner, patting his lap as a motion for Liz to sit down.

“What are you doing?” Liz questioned, recognizing the devious smirk on his beautiful face.

“Well, tonight we’re going to start with this chair. Perhaps tomorrow the dresser, or the counter?” Draco continued to fumble with his belt as Liz began walking over to him with a shake of her head. “All those kids you want aren’t going to make themselves.”

“You’re a complete wanker sometimes you know that?”


	16. I don't have a choice, and I'd still choose you

Draco felt rather defeated when the first few weeks of term started. He had gone into his teaching position with confidence and vigor; but that was soon beaten down when he realized too many of the students still attending were acutely aware of his involvement in the war. Not only that, but parents had begun writing to McGonagall about her choice for the new professor.

Whereas weeks before it had been Liz who needed Draco, the tables had turned. She could see how he came home defeated, and it killed her. It had prompted her to begin to brainstorm ways to make everyone feel more settled with the decision.

“I think you should have something called an open house.” Liz said it out of no where one night while they were relaxing.

“What in the world is an open house?” 

“It’s a muggle term, apparently. Which will already gain you points — you don’t still believe in all of that blood purity nonsense, do you?”

“No, I mean… it was hard to have to question everything I had been taught. But when… when I saw Granger…” Draco stopped, he didn’t want to go to that point in his mind. His Aunt Bellatrix holding her down on the floor in the manor. “I’d be willing to admit that muggle born Granger could most _likely_ stomp me in a duel.”

“Well, an open house is basically where the parents can come and openly ask you questions. Perhaps we can convince Aberforth to allow us to use the pub?”

“We?” Draco looked at her with her eyebrows raised.

“Roland’s never choose a side. But… given that I have two daughters with you, I believe my presence would not only ease you, but bring some relief to parents. I’ll bring the girls too. People need to see that you’re not your father. You’re dedicated to raising your children differently. You’re still rebuilding the castle even though your restitution period is over. You have gone the non-Malfoy way of not bragging about it. However, this would be an opportunity to show you’re righting your wrongs.” 

“They will question you, too, Liz. About Fred, your involvement with the Order.” Draco was more concerned that given her mood recently that might not be a good position to put her in. “I don’t want you to have to be cornered because of me.”

She thought it over for a minute, understanding his concern about the types of questions and possibly accusations that could come her way. “If you’re there with me, I think I’ll be alright. It should be more about how you plan to teach than anything, we can steer them back on track I hope.”

“You know…” Draco began, reaching for Liz’s hand and locking his fingers with hers. “I’ve been thinking a lot about all that nonsense recently too.”

“What? How to address my involvement with the Weasley’s and the Order?”

“No,” Draco shook his head with a laugh. “The whole Roland’s never choosing a side type nonsense.” Draco turned to her and reached into his pants pocket, pulling out a silver ring with a huge black stone in the middle. Liz knew immediately what it was. He had spoken about it since they were children. “I was wondering if maybe it was time you weren’t a Roland anymore…” 

Liz stayed silent, looking at Draco’s grandmother’s ring in his hand. She moved so that her body was entirely facing Draco’s now. “Do you remember when we were eight and you stole this from your mum’s jewelry box? And you, me, Pansy, Crabbe, Goyle, and Theo were playing knights and dragons?”

Draco smiled, his father had whacked him a good five times on the arse for taking something so precious. “Naturally, Crabbe was the dragon.” There was a weak smile, remembering his friend was painful most of the time.

“You beat him, of course. You and Theo, running to the fountain to rescue Pansy and me. Though we were treated rather well by Goyle, our captor. He was easily bribed with lemon cake.” They both laughed. Such an innocent childhood for such horrible values that had been instilled in them. “Theo and you both ran to me, Pansy a complete after thought. You guys were so cruel to her, you know.” Draco’s head bowed, he knew the person he was raised to be. “Theo got to me first. You were livid.”

“Livid? I was furious!”

“I thanked him, as a good pure blooded societal lady would. He kissed my hand and told me he had slayed the dragon for me.”

“Stupid prat, he did absolutely nothing…” Draco was mostly just teasing and Liz rolled her eyes.

“Pansy jumped on you, you were her hero! You _saved her_! What a wretched dragon and captor we had. But you were so cross, and demanded we play something else. Always a sore loser, that I don’t think will ever change.”

“Watch yourself, Roland-“

“My mum was the last to come and get me. I had dinner at your house that night. We argued over who was smarter - Ravenclaw or Slytherin.”

Draco smirked, he remembered this entire night. But he liked the way she was retelling it. “Still not sure I forgive you for saying Ravenclaw.”

“But you pulled me back out to that fountain, the sun setting just over the west wing of the manor. You pulled that ring out of your pocket-“

Draco smiled again, and reached to pull Liz into his lap. “And I told you I had stolen this from the Dragon’s treasure for you. It was the most beautiful ring I had ever seen, for the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.”

“Always the charmer, Malfoy.” Liz smirked, her hand grabbing the hand that held the ring gently. “We didn’t know the significance of this ring then, did we? The most ancient and noble house of Black, the pure blood values, the snobby and superior attitudes we would inherit?” Her smile began to fade and Draco looked at her. 

“No, we didn’t.” Draco said it softly. “All I thought when I saw this ring was that I needed to give it to you. That’s what husbands do, right? They give their wives lovely presents and trinkets. At least Lucius taught me _one thing _.” They both looked at the ring and Draco cleared his throat. “I can get you a different one, I know this one-“__

__“No.” Liz shook her head, and offered Draco her left hand to put the ring on. “You stole this for me, from the Dragon’s treasure. When I look at this, that’s what I see. That’s what we will tell Attie and Sia. No pure blood nonsense, no beatings for taking things for innocent reasons. Promise me, Draco.”_ _

__He slid the ring on her finger, looking up at her. “I promise you, Lizzy. We will not make the same mistakes our parents made.”_ _

__Liz smiled and Draco laughed with a shake of his head. “Now, just as you told me at the fountain, Malfoy…” Liz beamed and Draco groaned._ _

__“You asked me why I didn’t give the ring to Pansy.” Draco’s hands slid to Liz’s waist, pulling her closer to him. “I told you I was never going to want Pansy. I would never marry Pansy.”_ _

__“You lied, by the way. The Yule Ball, most of fifth and sixth year…”_ _

__“You went off with Weasley!” Draco countered, his hands sliding up her sides. “I asked you if Theo gave you anything from the Dragon’s treasure. And you, so noble, told me that treasure didn’t matter to you.”_ _

__“Draco Malfoy was speechless.”_ _

__“I couldn’t fathom why a woman wouldn’t want treasure. I’d like to think that’s rather enlightened for an eight-year-old…” Of course he was complimenting himself in the middle of his story telling. “But then I told you I had a secret. I asked if you knew what my name meant.”_ _

__“I had no idea, you hadn’t taught me much about constellations yet.”_ _

__“I told you my name meant dragon. I had never been a knight to begin with. That I had let Theo beat Crabbe because I knew he wanted to impress you. You looked at me sincerely, and questioned why I would let that happen. And I told you why,” Liz cupped Draco’s face now, the smirk never leaving her face. “I told you that I didn’t need to impress you, because you already loved me and I loved you.”_ _

__“Innocent childhood love,” She mused._ _

__Draco looked at her, drinking her all in for a moment. “Marry me, Elizabeth Roland.” This time he cupped her face. “Under the blackthorn tree by the pond. Fuck it, I don’t even care where we do it…” Liz laughed and leaned forward to kiss him gently._ _

__“I will marry you. And it will be under the blackthorn tree like you promised me.” Draco hummed in agreement as he kissed her again, pulling her as close to him as he possibly could._ _


	17. say hello to goodbyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Flashback to the summer before the Battle of Hogwarts (it should have been Elizabeth's 7th year)*

“Ten kids and a big old house in the country with chickens. That’s my final offer, Ellie.” Fred Weasley beamed at her from the other side of the wooden table in the kitchen of the burrow. 

“You’re stark raving mad. I stand at two kids, a modest suburban home, and quite possibly a cat. If I find out I’m not allergic.” She countered with a cross of her arms over her chest and eyed her boyfriend. “It’s the best I can do.”

“Do you not see where you are? The Weasley men cannot just have _a few_ kids. We need at least a Quidditch team.”

“ _Seven!?_ That isn’t even the middle on the ten to two. You’re horrible at compromising, you know.” Elizabeth pointed it out, giving Fred another stern look. But Fred was looking at her with that naughty grin he gave her that made her knees weak.

“Look at you, learning your Quidditch. I could grab you right now and snog you on this table…”

“For Merlin’s sake, that is highly inappropriate, Fred!” Mrs. Weasley’s cheeks turned red and she smacked Fred in the back of the head with a copy of The Daily Prophet. Though everyone knew that every night they slept together in the same bed, it was just not spoken about since the news every morning just kept getting more depressing. Perhaps Mrs. Weasley relented because everyone’s future was so uncertain.

“What!? Mum you want a a whole brood of grandchildren. I thought you’d take my side on this one, woman!” Fred argued and Arthur winked at his son from down the table. “Though we know Bill and Fleur will probably start popping them out soon. You want to talk about two people who can’t keep their hands off each other…”

“Fred!!! Table manners!!” Molly screeched again and this time George came down the stairs, joining them at the table for breakfast.

“Driving mum mad again, eh, Fred?”

“Just in time, partner in crime. How many kids do you think Ellie and I should have?”

“Well, you need a Quidditch team to start at least…”

Elizabeth shook her head, burying her face in her hands. “I hate you both.” She mumbled, keeping her head lowered as she sipped on her tea.

“Lies, you love him,” George pointed to Fred, a smile on his face.

“And he looks just like me!” Fred laughed, finishing his twins sentence.

“House arrest with my parents looks more appealing as every day passes…” Ellie lifted her head and Molly raised her eyebrows at her as if she understood where she was coming from. 

“Have you decided if you’re going back to Hogwarts?” George asked and Fred gave his twin a look. Fred was adamant about Elizabeth not going, but George had understood that it really should be her decision.

“I got a letter saying I need to attend. _Pure blood’s should have an education_ and since I’m not actually seventeen until October, my parents can still technically make the decision for me.” She didn’t want to go back. She’d be stuck alone in the Slytherin dormitories and probably bullied nonstop for her ties to her muggle born friends and muggle sympathizers. “I think I’d be in more danger going back than not. I can’t fathom being in Slytherin with Snape as headmaster. I’ll get my arse handed to me, especially if Jude really did make the pledge to you-know-who. I’m more of a target than anything.”

“See? Knew she’d make the right choice.” Fred reached across the table to grab her hand. “You’ll be safe here, you know that.”

“Oh, no! I can’t stay here, this is the first place they are going to look for me! I can’t put your parents and family in harms way!” Both Arthur and Molly started to argue as well, but Elizabeth shook her head. “No, I refuse. You already have enough to worry about with Ginny going back to Hogwarts and Ron out there helping Harry. I can’t burden you more.”

The kitchen fell silent and Molly sighed, drying a dish off. “We could send you to my parents little house outside of Edinburgh.” She offered, looking at Arthur who nodded in agreement. “It’s been empty since Gideon…” Her own voice trailed off as she got lost in her own thoughts. “It will need a lot of cleaning, but it’s been empty so long I doubt anyone would look for you there.”

Fred gave his mom a sympathetic look, he knew how that place wasn’t one the family spoke about or visited often. It was a sad reminder of the first Wizarding war. “I’ll stay with you, of course.” Fred grinned, as if Elizabeth even thought she’d have a choice at this point. “George, you can come stay over and we can start mailing our products more north. Oh… think of the prospective customers…” Fred rubbed his hands together and was positively giddy.

“I’ll pass on that one,” George coughed into his hands. “I know how small that cottage is and I don’t need to be woken up in the middle of the night to old bed squeaks and you both thinking you’re more quiet than you really are.” Elizabeth’s face immediately went red and Molly smacked the back of George’s head with her bare hand. Then she smacked Fred in the back of his.

“You better be responsible!!! We are in a war, for Merlin’s sake!” She screeched in one of the highest pitches she’d ever heard and Elizabeth covered her entire face with her hands. She wasn’t sure she’d be able to look Molly Weasley in the eyes ever again.

The cottage was incredibly small, but Elizabeth liked that. It was cozy and bright. It was close to Edinburgh; not that her and Fred could’ve wandered out much to explore. She felt like a captive, not knowing what exactly would happen to her if she was caught by the Death Eaters. The Order had confirmed that her brother had taken the mark, and Elizabeth felt numb because the news of it didn’t even surprise her. 

She spent the first morning cleaning up; Molly hadn’t been exaggerating when she said there was probably an inch of dust on all the furniture. Thankfully it was still summer and she would be able to hang a lot of the linens outside. Fred had been quite handy with fixing door hinges and repairing broken dishes. His hair was growing long again like it had in her fourth year and she loved to be reminded of their first few months together.

“Look at me already making your dreams come true,” Fred entered the kitchen through the back door with a kitten in his hand. “This little bugger was under the steps.” Elizabeth’s mouth hung wide open but the squeaks it was making hit her right in the gut.

“Fred, I think he’s hungry! We need to see if his mum is nearby.” They both searched the small yard, and it was Fred that called her over to a small shrub in the side yard.

“There we go,” He gently put the kitten down and they watched as he waddled his way over to the very exhausted mother cat. “He’s going to be your trouble child, that one. Keep an eye on him.” He warned the cat and Elizabeth laughed. Fred grabbed Elizabeth’s hand as they went inside. 

“Do you think this is what our life will be like? When this is all over?” She asked him with the most honesty she’d probably ever laid out.

Fred looked around the cottage before he looked at Elizabeth. “I don’t know. I imagine if George and I can open the shop back up maybe we could live in London. What do you really want our life to be like, my Ellie?” Fred asked her sincerely, lightly kissing her bare shoulder as she thought.

Elizabeth thought hard as they stared out of the back door. “I want you to make me laugh, every day, until I can’t breathe.” Fred breathed out a laugh as he wrapped his arms around her from the back.

“That’s incredibly easy.”

“I want to wear cotton dresses in pastel colors, and carry wildflowers in the pockets. Wildflowers that you pick for me, of course.”

“Naturally. Despite your wealthy pure blood upbringing, you are hardly a roses and orchids type lady.”

“And we will have simple yellow gold wedding bands. When you’re nervous you’ll play with yours. When I forget to put mine back on after washing the dishes you’ll pretend to be cross with me. And you’ll always slide it back on my finger, just like on the day we get married.”

“I love this future. I can’t wait for it to happen.” Fred dragged his lips on Elizabeth’s shoulder. “Every morning I’ll make your coffee, because you are complete rubbish at using the right cream to sugar ratio. But you’ll fix my vest before I go to the shop because although I’m a very clever business man, I tend to have to rush out every morning. My wife has this nasty habit of keeping me up all night.” 

“My husband keeps _me_ up all night with his snoring. The only way to make sure he is quiet is to keep his head between my legs.” Elizabeth smirked and Fred gave a good laugh.

“A much better option than smothering him with a pillow.” Fred softly kissed her neck and she put her hands over Freds around her waist. “The night we win, I am going to get down on my knees and beg you to marry me. And then we will go and get married the next day because I’m not sure I could wait that long.”

“You sound so sure I’m going to say yes.” Elizabeth challenged, leaning back so she could kiss him on the lips.

“Oh come on now, Ellie! Look at you, still can’t keep your bloody hands off of me! Stealing my innocence! Shacking up with me, _the nerve_.” He turned Elizabeth around to face him and his face was quite serious. “But if I have to beg in order to be with you for the rest of my life, I will. I’m rather shameless, in case you’ve forgotten.” 

She stood on her tiptoes to kiss him gently, smiling against his lips. “You really should not have told me that you’re willing to beg. _Bad, bad_ move.” Fred groaned, he was always opening his big mouth when he shouldn’t.


	18. see you brought out the best of me, a part of me I've never seen

Liz looked at the flowers on the counter. Roses. White roses. Growing up they had always been her favorite. Draco would go to the side of the manor and bring them to her. He had always wanted to give her red ones but she liked to put the white ones in her hair.

“We always know when Lizzy is nearby, she always smells so sweet of roses,” Narcissa would sing happily as her and Antonia walked around the gardens outside of the manor or the Roland home, bragging about their wealth and status. She often thought of the examples the two women set for her; sipping tea out of hundred year old porcelain cups and gossiping about people they claimed were friends. Liz couldn’t remember ever seeing her mother hold a broom, or a feather duster. She wasn’t even sure any of her immediate family members could make their own sandwiches. 

The roses reminded her of her childhood. Of careless summers and snowball fights. Innocent promises and pre-teen betrayal. Roses always smelled so sweet, but even the tiniest thorn hidden under a leaf could make anyone bleed.

Was that her? A picture perfect image on the outside, but able to sharpen herself up when needed. The ideal pure blood daughter. Liz looked down at the pale pink dress she had on. It was made of linen, light and easy to move in. She had told Fred once she wanted to wear pastel dresses with pockets. Draco had probably looked at this dress and thought she had spent way too much time at the burrow, out of society and unable to purchase proper clothes. The ring that she now wore on her left hand definitely didn’t go with this style of clothing. But she didn’t want to take the ring off, and she didn’t want to change her dress.

Liz walked to the back door of the house and went outside. The creek in back wasn’t far and although the weather was changing fast, she didn’t feel cold. She grabbed kitchen shears out of her apron and cut some sprigs of lavender, cornflowers, and honeysuckles. When she was satisfied with her bouquet she went back into the house and placed them in a little vase on the windowsill. 

Every time she washed a dish, she thought of Fred.

McGonagall allowed the open house to be held in Hogsmeade after a lot of begging and she insisted on being there. Draco was grateful that she agreed, and felt a lot more ar ease knowing he had the Headmistress’ support. It went better than anticipated, and Liz had been right about parents seeing Draco with a fiancé and kids making him relatable. By the end, both of the girls were being passed around the pub and cooed at. They loved the attention.

Christmas was fast approaching, and the couple both agreed to not visit their parents. Every time they had a formal visit with either of them, it turned into harassment about why Draco was _teaching_ and why they were still living in squalor in that small little cottage in that wretched town. Both of them had been too tired to fight or argue, so they just decided to limit their interactions with their families. They let their mother’s still take the girls on weekends shopping and the like, and it left them a little time to recharge.

Draco was grading essays and Liz kept hovering over his shoulder. “By all means, you’re welcome to sit here and read thirty-four essays on dark artifacts.” He leaned back in his chair and offered the table to her.

“I was more wondering when you’d be done, honestly. I didn’t know you also needed to correct grammatical errors as well.”

“Well they need to know how to read and write, and for merlins sake, these are sixth years.” Draco shook his head as if he were embarrassed for them and Liz gently sat down on his lap, looking at some of the parchments, moving some of them around.

“You forget not everyone had private tutors growing up.” Liz reminded him as Draco put his arm around her waist. “Go easy on them. My favorite professors were always the ones who helped, not chastised.”

He gave a sigh, his forehead resting on her back. “Are you ever going to stop trying to make me a better person?”

“Never.” Liz kissed the back of his hand. “And you were never a bad person, you just made absolute shite choices.” 

Draco squeezed her side and Liz gave a yelp, jumping off of his lap. “And _there_ is the Slytherin attitude I was waiting for." He leaned forward to finish reading the essay in front of him but he squinted at the parchment. It was in Liz’s handwriting:

_I am rather clueless when it comes to Dark Artifacts, but I assure you I am well educated in raising a family to societal standards. In that regard, we will probably need to begin searching for a larger home; one that meets the standards of our families considering ours is going to be growing by one this spring._

“Elizabeth Aurora Roland, are you pregnant with my child?” Draco asked with a smile on his face, getting up from the table and walking towards her.

She gave an indifferent face and shrugged her shoulders. “It would appear so, Draco Lucius Malfoy.” 

He grabbed her and kissed her hard and then he groaned. “Three of them, Liz. We’re going to have three little mini versions of us crawling around.” Draco stopped to think about it. “I’m not sure we can handle this.”

Liz laughed, unsure if he was making a joke or not but shook her head. “Too late now, Malfoy. You set the terms at age ten. Probably should’ve renegotiated before you put this big, ostentatious ring on my finger.” 

“If we’re going with those terms, if it’s a boy we are definitely naming him Scorpius.” Draco now beamed, nodding his head like ten-year-old Draco would be so proud of him.

“Now we really should consider renegotiating those terms…”

“Not a chance now, Roland.”

Liz couldn’t believe the difference a year could make. As they woke up on Christmas morning to open presents with the twins, all she could think about was the previous year where she was unsure about every coming minute. Draco got on the floor to help the infants tear paper off of their gifts, insisting that Liz stay on the sofa. He had immediately gone into protective mode again since finding out she was pregnant again. 

Attie was rolling around with one of her toys, pushing herself to sit up when she looked at Draco. “Dada!!!” She squealed and Draco stopped, so did Liz. 

“Did she just say?”  
“Merlin, she did. She just said-“

“Dada! Daaaaa!” There were giggles and drool and a rattle shaking and Liz felt her chest tighten. Sia laughed as well, though she didn’t say anything and Draco looked like the happiest person in the world. 

They spent the evening at the Malfoy’s Manor where they told their parents that Liz was pregnant again. The mother’s beamed, the fathers sighed. Sia said “dada” at dinner that night and Draco spent the rest of the time at dinner telling both the girls to say it over and over again.

_Ginny,_

_I know this letter is late, but I want to congratulate you and Harry on your engagement. I always knew that you two would wind up together and would be able to share your love over a lifetime. Nobody deserves it more than you both. Please accept this gift as a token of our best wishes for a happy and loving future together._

_Love,  
Elizabeth, Draco, Atlas & Alasia_

_Elle,_

_Thank you for the quilt and the vase. Both of them are beautiful, and Harry has already put the quilt on the back of the sofa to cover up the shirts he tends to throw on the back of it when he gets home from the Ministry. He’s almost done with his Auror training. He asks about you a lot, about why you and I don’t talk anymore and I wish I had something to tell him.  
I don’t understand, Elle. I don’t blame you for confiding in Draco and falling in love with him, I just wish you had told me. I know I would have understood it better coming from you.   
Regardless, I’ve heard that you are expecting again and Harry and I are sending our best wishes to you, Draco, and your girls. In the spirit of friendship, I sent you two Holyhead Harpies shirts for the girls and a onesie for your new one on the way._

_All our love,  
Ginny and Harry_

Liz ran her hand over the parchment that Ginny wrote on remember just how awful her penmanship was. It made her laugh as she folded the letter up and used her wand to put it on a shelf in the kitchen. She missed Ginny. A lot. She missed Ron, Hermione, Harry, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. Liz thought about reaching out to them so many times, but then none of them had bothered to reach out to her. It was easy to see why, as she turned her head to look at the platinum blonde sitting next to her, head buried in more parchments to grade. 

If they were truly her friends, and they really did care about her like they said they did, wouldn’t they support her? Couldn’t they have at least tried to understand where she was coming from?

She found herself feeling like she did in her third year at Hogwarts; mad at Draco and her Slytherin friends for their beliefs and ideals. All of which she knew they were taught from a young age — she had been one of them too. But also angry at her other friends who refused to even give the Slytherin’s a chance. They were all just automatically labeled as rich, snobby kids with pureblood ideals. Hadn’t Liz been the perfect example of someone being able to be open minded and make their own choice?

“You’re staring,” Draco mumbled, not looking up from his task.

“Do you think you could ever be friends with Harry Potter?”

This caught Draco’s attention and he looked up from his work. “Technically, I did offer to be his friend, he is the one that turned me down.”

Liz gave him a knowing look. “I’m talking about now. Could you be a bigger person and let all of that rubbish in the past go? What if our kids are friends when they go to school? What if they have a daughter and we have a son and they fall in love?”

Draco laughed, crossing his arms over his chest. “I bet Potter would tell his daughter to run as far away as possible, Liz. If I’m being honest.”

A sigh left her lips, because she knew he was probably right. Their owl flew in at the moment, dropping a parchment off for Draco who opened it. It was a birth announcement:

_George and Angelina Weasley are proud to announce the birth of their son, Fred Weasley II born on January 2nd at 3:02pm_

Attached was a picture of the newborn, wrinkled face and yawning. It was like a punch in the gut to Liz and she could feel her eyes filling up.

“If that’s not the most passive aggressive move I’ve seen yet from a Weasley,” Draco mumbled before he looked up to see Liz’s reaction. “Shite, I’m sorry Liz. I didn’t even think…”

“How dare he name his son Fred?” She whispered it softly, Draco reaching out to grab her hand. “He has the fucking nerve to give his son Fred’s name after what he did to me. I swear, I could kill him. I could, Draco! I could do it. I’ve never been this bloody mad before!” Liz stood up from the table and moved to the stove, turning it on for tea just to keep her mind occupied. 

“If Fred knew, if he was here and knew what George did!” Draco just leaned back in his chair as Liz continued. “I should tell Molly and Arthur. He shouldn’t be allowed to use his name, they could stop him or make him change his mind… it’s not right! It’s not…” She finally stopped as she started crying into her hands. “It’s not right.” She sobbed now, Draco getting up to wrap his arms around her.

“It’s not right.” He agreed, rubbing her back. “Fred was a brilliant man. Maybe this Fred will be just as amazing as he was.”

He knew this hurt her, and Draco wished for nothing more in that moment than to go to Weasley’s house and punch him square in the nose. But when he thought about it, he was raising his daughters, he was marrying his twins love, and it was all because Liz trusted him more than she did George. And he realized he could absolutely live with that.


	19. every night I'm dancing with your ghost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * violence, death, loss, mourning. this is a rather dark chapter. *

Elizabeth Roland had been raised to be seen, and not heard. It was her place in life to marry a pureblood man, have pureblood children, and not squander away the Roland family’s fortune. Not that she would have been getting the majority of any of it, her brother Jude was the heir. She’d be set up comfortably, of course, but she would be reliant on her future husband to provide for her.

She took etiquette classes with her friends; Pansy, Daphne, Astoria, and a handful of other ladies. It was just assumed that one of them would end up marrying her brother Jude one day. One afternoon, Elizabeth had finally asked her mom who she was going to marry.

“Oh Elizabeth, whomever you want. So long as it’s in the interests of our family and they are pureblooded, like us.” Elizabeth didn’t know anyone who had different blood. As far as she could tell, any time one of her friends had a cut it all looked the same to her. Red. 

The night after her first date with Fred Weasley, Elizabeth had a panic attack. The Weasley’s were a blood traitor family. They loved muggles. She could never be with Fred, it was unacceptable. Her father would be furious, disown her, and she’d be left to living on the streets.

Hermione Granger bled, and her blood was red.  
Harry Potter bled, and his blood was red.

Elizabeth’s blood was red.

Draco’s blood was red. 

Her brother Jude’s blood was red, flowing out of his skull as Fred had stunned him and he flew back, hitting his head hard on the marble column behind him. His eyes were wide open as he stared up at the dark sky, Elizabeth wondering if he had finally been able to see clearly the extent of the damage he had helped cause. She had cried hysterically, Fred pulling her back towards the castle whispering that he was sorry over and over again as she struggled to get to her brother’s lifeless body. 

Fred Weasley’s blood was red. He had been no traitor, only protecting the people he loved as he’d been thrown back into a stone wall, much like he had done to Jude just hours before. This time Elizabeth had no one to hold her back as she screamed “no” over and over again, as if just the sheer force of will from shouting the word would be enough to make this entire night cease to exist. 

Nagini’s blood was red, as Longbottom cut the snake’s head off, giving Potter the last piece of shattered armor to deliver a fatal blow to Voldemort.

Voldemort’s blood was red, his curse rebounding on him, his body limp in the Great Hall. 

All of this, over blood. The purity of it, the preservation of it, the lines and families. And yet, on May 2nd 1998, Elizabeth had never seen so much blood spilled.

Blood spilled, to save blood. She’d never be able to get over it.

Elizabeth didn’t go the first memorial at Hogwarts. Attie and Sia had been born just days before, and she wasn’t sure she had the energy to both be a mother and a mourner. So she forgot about it, tucked it away in the back of her mind. She should have known better than to think that forgetting was a form of coping; when she bled once a month, when Sia cut her cheek for the first time by scratching herself, when Draco came home with a rare cut of steak to eat for dinner, she couldn’t take it. The blood made her sick.

There had been a rule passed by the Ministry that anyone who died at the Battle of Hogwarts was to be buried on the grounds, a grand memorial to be constructed. Death Eaters and Order members, all buried in one final resting place to remind the future of the atrocities committed that night.

On May 2nd, Draco and Elizabeth walked hand in hand from Hogsmeade to Hogwarts, so that she could finally visit her brother, and Fred. She was nearing the end of her pregnancy, but she was a lot smaller than she had been with the girls. She was grateful for the fresh air and sunshine on her face.

They visited Jude first. A simple white stone was on top of his resting place with his birthdate and death date. No quote, no mention of him being a son or a brother. Just Jude Roland. The last male of the Roland family, ending the pureblooded line that had been a major player in Wizarding society for centuries. 

“Do you think he meant it when he told me he was going to take me to safety?” Elizabeth asked, her eyes steady on Jude’s grave. Jude had cornered her in one of the gardens begging for Elizabeth to go with him so she could be safe. But Jude had also been tasked with delivering her to Voldemort to give up information on the Order. And just as Remus Lupin and Arthur Weasley had told her, she questioned if he was actually telling the truth. Because he was her _brother_.

Fred had found her, and her boyfriend and brother got into a heated duel. Fred casting the last spell as Jude bled out under a juniper bush. They had to keep moving, the Death Eaters were breeching the castle.

“If Jude had decided to give you over to Voldemort, I would have done everything in my power to get you out of there.”

“But you were in the castle.” Draco had been there the whole time, trying to capture Potter. She knew he defended his Slytherin friends, he hadn’t really chosen a side during the battle. She knew the mark on his arm meant he had declared a side, but he looked just as horrified when he saw his classmates dead bodies littered all over campus as everyone else. Children, with no choice to turn into soldiers.

After Fred, Elizabeth hardly remembered anything, but going after anyone who she thought would’ve been responsible. Blood. Make everyone bleed. She thought to herself, as curse after curse left her wand. They wanted it to be about blood, right?

“I think I want to go to Fred’s alone.” She said it softly, and although Draco wasn’t exactly settled with the idea, he understood. Elizabeth took out her wand and a wreath appeared over Jude’s grave. A wreath of juniper branches.

She knew she wasn’t going to be able to hold it together when she got to Fred’s grave. He had a much bigger stone than Jude’s, which made sense. It was still early in the morning, so only a few other people were walking through the memorial.

“Fred,” Saying the name almost caused her to breakdown right then and there. She’d recited this to herself out loud so many times, but she’d never had something to say it to. This felt weird. “I miss you so much, every day.” Her eyes were already filled with tears as she put her hand on the cool stone. “I know if you’re watching over me, or standing next to me or whatever it is that ghost Fred Weasley does, you know how my last two years have been.”

“I go to the tree where we kissed after our first date all the time. I hang popcorn and cranberries on it for the birds and the locals look at me like I’m insane. I live in Hogsmeade now, and I have two beautiful, clever little girls. They’re so mischievous and…” Elizabeth took a deep breath as the tears began to fall. “They are so much like you, I wish you knew them.”

She stayed silent for another minute. She could see more people gathering out of the corner of her eye and she knew she definitely didn’t want to be here when the Weasley’s inevitably showed up. “I love you, Fred. I always will. If Jude’s with you wherever you are, please torture him relentlessly.” Elizabeth managed to breath out a laugh as she finally turned from the grave, pulling out a handkerchief to wipe her eyes. 

Draco found her, wrapping an arm around her waist as they continued walking. They stopped at Lupin and Tonks, Mad Eye Moody’s (which there was no body, just a creepy replica of his eye — Liz knew he would’ve got a kick out of that), Snape’s, and even Bellatrix Lestrange had one.

“For as much of a complete lunatic she was, she was a fun aunt.” Draco offered, the only two standing anywhere close to her grave. “When she wasn’t torturing people.” He scoffed, shaking his head. “She doesn’t deserve to be here, not really. So close to Professor Lupin and her niece. It’s so weird to say that. My aunt and my cousin, buried at Hogwarts.”

“You would’ve really liked Tonks. She was feisty.” Liz laughed, Draco pulling her closer to him. “I wonder what Teddy is like. I bet your aunt wouldn’t be opposed to hearing from you.”

Draco raised his eyebrows, but there wasn’t a hopeful look on his face. “Maybe I’ll write to her.”

“It couldn’t hurt.” Draco tugged her, and Elizabeth could see the Weasley family approaching. She was in no mood to deal with the entire group, so she laced her fingers with Draco’s and they walked on. “Thank you for coming with me.”

“Of course,” He made it sound like there was no other option. “I’d like to stop by Crabbe’s before we go.” Elizabeth nodded, letting him lead the way to the small stone that had his name. “I don’t think I’ll ever shake the guilt.” He admitted. Liz knew what happened, only because she had heard it from the trio. She had felt sad because she grew up with Crabbe. He was goofy, and fun loving at one point. That’s the Crabbe she always chose to remember.

As they were walking towards the gate, Elizabeth heard her name being called. Harry Potter was jogging up to her, casually, and Draco physically tensed. “Malfoy,” He gave a cold greeting to Draco who nodded at him in return. “Could I speak to Elle alone for a second?”

Draco looked at Liz who nodded and he squeezed her hand before walking a few feet away. “I suppose congratulations are in order for you and Ginny.” She gave a pleasant smile and he nodded.

“I um,” Harry scratched the back of his head. “I wanted to make sure everything was okay with you. The whole Malfoy and you thing, it took us all by surprise. You had twins, and now you’re having another…” Liz looked at him like she didn’t understand what he was implying. “He’s not, he’s not making you stay with him, is he? Giving you potions or…”

Liz began to laugh. And laugh. She laughed so hard, people started to stop what they were doing and watch her. “For fuck’s sake. Today, of all the days. _Today._ ” She shook her head. “My brother’s grave is over there. In a corner. Small, but there. Four graves away is Fred’s grave. Vibrant, lively. Just like he was. Fred killed my brother. Because he was a Death Eater. But does anyone _blame_ Fred for it? Do my parents come and pay respect to their own _dead son?_. No, they can’t. They get ridiculed. Like they are the reason Jude decided to have that ink burned onto his skin.”

Harry looked uncomfortable and Liz was glad. “I loved Fred Weasley. I would’ve continued to love Fred Weasley despite the fact that he killed my brother. My _brother_. Who I played with just like George did with Fred. Who protected me, just like Fred did for Ginny. When I couldn’t handle the grief of losing my brother, my boyfriend, other people I cared about… my childhood friends —yes, that includes Vincent Crabbe — Draco Malfoy is the one who comforted me. He understood what it was like to feel guilt over mourning people we felt like we shouldn’t.”

“None of you, except Ginny, well into the school year, cared about what I felt like after all of this. Fred was gone, and I was no longer the iffy Slytherin he’d brought home. Do you know who did care? My Slytherin friends. My childhood friends. Draco Malfoy has been the one at my side through all of it, without falter. Without hesitation. He was ready to denounce his family, his reputation, his wealth, all of it. The things were were _raised_ to value, for me. So don’t you ever, _ever_ question my devotion to him again, Potter.” 

Draco had walked back over, clearly concerned with the was Liz was loudly speaking. Other people had listened in on it and Draco put his arm back around her. “C’mon Lizzy. It’s not worth it. Let’s go home.” She continued to glare at Harry as she reluctantly turned around. She was about to turn around, but she saw the Weasley’s walking over too, concern on their faces.

“And you!” Lizzy stood her ground now, eyes locked with George Weasley who looked paler than a ghost. “Out of all of them, all of you… _you_ should have understood. You took our pain, and you twisted it. _You hurt me the most_.” Her eyes were filling up again and Draco tried to pull her away before she said things he knew she would regret. 

“You should leave, Elizabeth.” Ginny said it, like it was a command. She stepped forward, and Lizzy took it like a threat. So she stepped forward.

“Maybe I should remind you, like I did your fiancé, that you’re not the only one who has a dead brother buried here.” Lizzy looked disgusted as Ginny’s face softened, realizing what Lizzy’s words meant. Molly was hysterically sobbing, and Draco finally grabbed Lizzy and led her off towards the gate.

They walked in silence, Draco holding her as close to him as she could. “For what it’s worth, I’m proud of what you said, Lizzy.” He kissed the side of her head. “Regardless of sides, a loss is a loss.”

“He asked me if you were forcing me to be with you. If you were giving me potions,” Liz shook her head. “The nerve of him.”

“Potter only sees what he wants to see, he’s a product of his upbringing much like we are. Surely, we’re all learning what to think for ourselves now. But it’s hard.” Draco offered, opening the door to their cottage. Their daughters waddled to greet them, Narcissa smiling gently on the couch. A solemn smile. She’d lost her sister on this day. A niece on this day. Draco lost a cousin, an aunt, a friend. But most people thought they shouldn’t be allowed to mourn them. 

All because of blood, Lizzy thought. All because of blood.


End file.
